Saturday, November 20, 2010

Today, I miss home. It's taken a while for that feeling to sink in, more than 2 years.

It suddenly hit me when I burnt my sandwich today. I get bored to cook these days.
There is always some food in the fridge to save the day when you're at home. Not when you're by yourself. No, I don't usually burn food nor am I bad cook. As a matter of fact, I cook really really well, but when I have started losing the motivation to cook, that tells me something's wrong.

I can make the best varieties of meat, pav bhaji, and palak paneer. Hell, I even make my own paneer by spoiling milk. That's the extent I can go to. I can do the big stuff right, it's usually the little things I can't get right or need an assistant like making tea or peeling boiled eggs. I will fry my eggs sunny side up, not because I like the taste of raw yolks but only because I can't flip them without making a mess!

Well any way, it's just the food that makes me miss home. Man, it's been a while since I have seen everyone.

My family sent me stuff for Diwali. Made me want to yell ," I LOVE YOU , AAI!". I did not. I said a very formal thank you instead. It's very stupid, I realize. I don't remember telling any body ever that I loved them , not my mother, my brother ,my father or the other people I like and love. I some how get embarrassed to say all such. Makes me feel corny when I want to say it. So I avoid the situation. I shall be less silly someday and say it to everybody I like and the very minute I do.

I can now tell when I will have good days and bad days. Bad days start with bad music or endless talking of RJs on radio, no matter how much you switch stations, me parking my car slanted in the parking space, rain and my people not turning up to work. It will continue till the end of the night when the ice formed on the windshield. Then my radio's chord, which I have to use at work gets entangled somewhere. I wanna make a dash to my bed and then I realize I have left my headlights on and so I go back to switch them off and then the chord gets entangled again. Such is a bad day.

I am not writing to crib. Just saying on bad days, it goes so bad, one after other I begin to see the funny side of it after some time. I just give up resisting the bad day. It's a lot easier then. I tell myself it's not the end of the world, the sun will be up again tomorrow and so will I.

Also, I thought, I should mention this out of the blue. I had to stop my car on my way back from Walmart in the middle of the road because there were 4 horses in the middle of the road. Not on the sidewalk, like in the middle middle. So much talk about stray cattle on the roads in India. At least, our cows have traffic sense and walk on the side of the road and maintain lane discipline.

There are times, I take the most indirect approach ever. I got the word "moon" while playing pictionary. The easiest word ever, right? I could have drawn a crescent and a star. What do you think I drew? I drew the sun first, then drew a clock showing 8:00 clock to imply night and then my friend thankfully guessed it right. Hey, I have drawn words like "hypnotize" and phrases like "playing the second fiddle". Like I said, I can do the big stuff right, it's the small stuff that I mess up.

So now, I shall sleep. Sunny side down!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The last time I 'ROTFL' was while playing taboo. My room mate, who thought women beach volley ball players were lesbians described the word Uranus as "a part that women don't have".

The last word that I made was scientificial. Usage: "I will add salt to water while cooking rice as its specific heat capacity will...", to which you say "Abbe scientifical! Just make it fast, I'm hungry."

I don't like those people in toilets handing out napkins. They freak me out. Oh and what also freaked me out was a woman cleaning the floor of the restroom at Schilpol while men were using it. Enough of the toilet talk.

Bret Hart's appearance made me watch RAW after a lot of years.

So, how many people do Amitabh impressions anyway? Something of a pre-requisite for all stand up comedians it seems like.

Today was the second time that I told a blonde that "it was a blonde moment. " Some people never learn.

Zii will not put up a post about little scratch and burp in his life. Finds this thing lame. Will not play FarmVille. Will not never uze ZZZs in wordz. Does not need this thing to remember your birthdays. Will not poke, punch, piss off or send gifts. Will call you instead. Is bored of his display picture.

(Y)Zii likes this.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

"How tall are you?", she asked my friend. He said 5.9 and she made an ugly face. My poor unsuspecting friend pretended to look for more shirts else where. Then she turns to me, "How tall are you????", she asked. Five eleven and a half, I told her; I never forget to tell people the extra half an inch above the eleventh. "Will this fit you?", she asked and put a shirt against me. "Ehh?!!", said I and she repeated herself. Sleeve length's too short, I told her. "Then how about this one?". Yes, maybe this one, I said. And she put another 2 shirts on me. I said ...yeah...probably, but I can't be sure since I don't know whom you are shopping for. Wait, I said. I don't even know you. "Plcchh", she said; made an uglier face and walked away.

I had once read in Reader's digest that toilets and news papers should be left after using them, in a condition that one expects them to be while opening them. And I extend that wherever possible. I fold my bed sheets in trains and planes and people look at me like I am from a different galaxy. Today, after trying a couple of jeans, I folded them and kept them where they were; watching me do this, a guy comes up to me and asks me how much the jeans he was holding cost and if they have any black jeans. Buhh.

Why do the groom's brother have to pose with his leg on a stool ,his elbow on his knee and his chin resting on his palm? Why do friendddzz have to take pictures of them in a star fish formation or holding each others legs standing sideways? Why does one sit in a yogic cross legged meditation posture once he goes to a random river or a cave and declare it as his moment of spiritualism in his photos on social networking sites? And why does each and every photo from college have to be sepia and titled "Those golden days ..."(Notice the ... for discontinuity and sighs). Though I wish, I could be as confident when the camera looks at me, my right eye usually becomes conscious of the camera and shys close a little bit and I, I think I just show my teeth. The expression is more like that of a person being stepped on his bare footin a train by a younger Adnan Sami wearing stilletos.

My batchmates are getting married, some are even expecting children. I feel old, no..I am ancient. I see these college kids all over the place,their hair grown, goaties, things in their ears adding to their nonchalance, having blogs and blog friends who have to comment that they write well even if they wrote in Hebrew and no one understood. Time will heal them. I was one of them too, not too long ago when I was not so ancient, had my hair till my shoulders and was occassionally called Bheem by a few professors. What do they know about long hair. And on our way back from the oh so cool I-rock, we did not have my buddy and I paid the extra
3 bucks by giving the cabbie 6 chewing gums. We never looked back after we gave him that. Time healed us.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Stop complaining about the air hostesses in Indian Airlines or Air India. They will surely be younger than what you have in Delta. So that's how it was to start off with. Toilets at Mumbai airport or most places in Mumbai are better than at New York and Atlanta.

I was accompanied by an old Gujju couple who were probably traveling for the first time in a plane. While the plane was on the tarmac awaiting flying clearance, uncle had wrapped himself with a blanket and asked me if it becomes cold as we go up. I showed them how to use the earphones, draw the tray forward, how to recline seats etc. and they found every movement in the plane amusing. A little adorable they were.

For the first time in my life I realised, rather people made me realise that I was brown. A little Texan girl in the flight kept staring at me from top to bottom. Most people didn't follow what I said, I had to repeat myself. Except an aunty who told me "I know its gonna be an adjustment, but do well and all the best."

Takes time to sink in. I sometimes still refer to the locals as "foreigners".

I don't like the word 'desi'.

Lowest point uptil now: I missed the national anthem being played when India won its first individual gold.
Most amusing moment uptil now: My roommate trying to convince me women beach volleyball players are lesbians.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

He said it was due to load shedding and discourage people from unnecessarily increasing his bill.

I continue to not understand women. Today in the bus, two aunties created confusion. They wanted to sit together. They made a man swap seats and what not...all that just for sitting together for 2 stops. Then, I met a friend of mine. A friend of hers, with whom she was spending time before she met me waved out to her from her window. The lady's hand kept oscillating like a grandfather clock's pendulum...of course an upside down pendulum. My friend waved back to her, yet she kept waving. My friend asked me to stop being rude and wave back to her and when I did, the woman signalled she wasn't waving at me, but at my friend. Buhh.

Thats about it. I have nothing more to say as of now. I will write from a different land now onwards. Let's see how that goes.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Oye Oye! Oye o o aah

I still remember things that I saw on TV when I was small. I happen to remember them better than the things I watch these days. We used to group up and sit at some's place to watch a particular serial or a movie. Obviously, the friend's mother whose house we used to watch TV in didn't like 10 to 20 boys sitting inside one room. Colour TV too was somewhat of a novelty. I remember my grandmother's black and white Bush TV with a knob on it to adjust channels and antannae on it. That was the time when the VCR was the super cool gizmo and I used to rent casettes and watch them 5 times (atleast). The late 80's and the early 90's. Cable connection was still an alien concept. DD-1 used to be very boring, it mostly showed news about Rajiv Gandhi, Chandrashekhar or V.P.Singh. Where as DD-2 was the cool channel to watch.

My favourite movies, of that time and given a chance..i would still watch them :

It had a very muscular Sunny Deol, actresses dancing in funny clothes (termed as hot at that time), a super cool villain named Bhujang played by Amrish Puri and a funny tune which they play constantly during the movie. That was the only time, other than Dekh Bhai Dekh when I had liked Shekhar Suman. My favourite things to watch in the movie were the Oye Oye song and the scene where Sunny rises from the ashes after the "Paap se dharti fati. fati fatii.....Adharm se aasmaan...Atyachaar se kaampi insaaniyat... Raaj kar rahe haivaan...Jinki hogi taaqat apoorvJinka hoga nishaana abhed...Jo karenge inka sarvanaash...Woh kehlaayenge...Tridev! Tridev! Tridev! " dialogue :D!

Mr. India:
Mr India, again had my favourite villain ..MOGAMBO :D! He had rings on his fingers that made a sound while he tapped them on a spherical extension of the arm rest of his huge chair. He also had a pool of acid in which he ordered his men to dive and they did it willingly shouting HAIL MOGAMBO..and then Mogambo used to become khush :D. An invisible Arun Bhaiyya kicked aHanuman idol stealing Bob Christo's arse and made him say Sorry Badgereng Bawli, Je Badgereng Bawli. Then there was Sridevi and Aftab Shivdasani doing the Charlie Chaplin act in a gavthi casino. There was a parody of songs over a football. And not to forget Miss Hawa Hawaii.

The Veeranas, The Band Darwazas, The Purana Mandirs, The Wahi Ek Bhayanak Raats.
Brand Ramsay. Tulsi Ramsay, Shyam Ramsay etc etc etc. They used to have a thakur with a scary haveli. The thakurs had voluptious daughters who..god knows why but liked actors like Hemant Birje. They also had doors that opened by themselves and fog which came out of nowhere. They had the typical Ramsay scary movie tune which was later used in Zee horror show. They had nympho Bhoots who attacked the heroines, while they were in shower.
There were bhoots who said "nikiddaaa" and there were bhoots named Samri.

Moving on to TV..

It started off with a voice with the space in the background and a rotating wheel saying "Main Samay hoon". This line is now frequently used in comedys these and people laugh over it but I doubt if they actually understand the actual humour and spoof behind it. I always liked Mahabharat better than Ramanand Sagar's Ramayan, which had an arrow multiplying into 400 arrows. Mahabharat had Puneet Issar, whom I thought should have played Bheem instead of Duryodhan. Mukesh Khanna played Bheeshma Peetama with his silver white beard. My favourite episode was when Arjun defeats Jayadrath.

Giant Robot
I'm not too sure if too many people have seen this serial.
That's what he looks like. A friend of mine also called him a pharaohic robot. Well.
He could fly, he could fight sea monsters, he could shoot bullets from his fingers, he could shoot fire beams from his eyes and thunderbolts from..I am not exactly sure where. It had funny looking bad guys called gargoyles.

Super Hit Muqabla
The most popular and the most memorable serial of DD-2. Hosted by "Tiki tiki taiki taiki tum tum" Baba Sehgal. Hyper cool he was at that time..had to was the time that most Indians got introduced to the concept of rap. Some of his own songs used to feature in the Muqabla. Some of his 'catchy' tunes were Manjoola Manjoola, Dr. Dhingra , Miss Loomba Loomba and Thanda Thanda Pani. Then came Apache Indian to India...whose songs Baba never played on Muqabla. I was pro-Baba then...ubck.

Sunday Special with Jungle Book at 10am followed by Duck Tales and Tales Spin.Mowgli with his yellow chaddi, Nana Patekar doing Sher Khan's voice, the music when Sher Khan made an entry, Uncle Scrooge..all legendary I say.

I can go on and write about Alif Laila, Poltiwala Baba, Zabaan Sambhal Ke, Dekh Bhai I am bored of writing.

Friday, April 04, 2008

R.I.P. Desmond

Once upon a time in Office Land during my training period I used to handle supplies and that included the supply of nuts,bolts,washers etc. as well. So one fine day, when I was walking acting all coolio with a coffee in one hand and unimportant papers in the other (that is what I do to make people think I am on something important and leave me at peace), a ...well..a..gentleman asked me where the studs and nuts were. I told him nicely they were in the 'pipeline', an office slang for things being in transit. But he obviously wanted to act witty and asked me "How long is this pipeline anyway?" I had to act witty too then, I told him I can be a stud sometimes and he is always a nut. He didn't get it. Maut, the death of a repartee.

I don't know why I pick the wrong people to play around with. People like the head of departments. I was walking past his cabin and he called out to me "AYE! Come!" and I looked back, up, down, around, here, there and asked him "Who me?" There wasn't anyone around me for miles and I knew that too. It was more like a reflex. I honestly don't know why I did it. I was just glad I didn't get fired.

One of the plant assosciates had his birthday a week back. Since we do not have a separate tea time, the people on the shop floor just gather around and break for 10 minutes on the shop floor only. They decided to gift him flowers and asked me to present it to him while they stood around us and clapped. I felt special. And embarrassed too. Teehee!

A pigeon flew into the office. Through the AC duct. It fluttered. Poor thing also banged against the glass window wanting to go out. So we opened the door and showed him the way out. And it flew away..go birdie go..But birdie left its dropping on Sachin's computer. Bad Birdie.
A friend of mine had told me about a cockroach in her office. A similar thing happened in mine too. So the cockroach decided to run here and there. The women obviously..created know? Yea, we know. So.. our peon, our knight in the shining armour killed the roach. And one of those very women went "Awwww Desmond! :-("
We dont have any Desmond in office. Turns out..the woman had named the roach Desmond while creating know? And now she is sad that it is dead. 'Desmond' it seems. Fancy names.