Tuesday, December 27, 2005

A job that should not take more than 10 minutes to complete. Take the xerox copies , get the signatures, fax them. zimble? not quite.

I dedicate this post to my revvverrrend( listen to me revving it up) principal Dr...ok, hes gotta a family and kids who might read this. Lets not mention names.

Xerox takes a good 30 minutes...// pulls out speech from the pocket//...And i would like to thank the goverment of maharashtra for the systematic load shedding scheme, the MSEB, the college xerox guy who seems to be the most hardworking staff member(frame of reference is relative) and lastly not to forget my friend who let two chicks go in front of him in the line.Evil chicks those...the ones from dental colleges...they cast spells!

Witness 2: Mr. Poo.
Mr. Poo ...well old habits die hard. He was still in the submission mode.He always is. So when we approached him for a signature...
ummm....my pen is with Mr.Mo...get it no...i sign with only that pen.
( Consistent with the submission slogan "thou shalt have to run back and forth atleast 2 times before getting my sign)
Sir, use my pen...here.
NO NO! I use onleee maay paaiin.
buhh.


And thenn....half the documents get faxed. The peon comes in a drowsy state out of the principal's office. " half of them are done...
Dude..which half...while he hands over a big bundle....
ummm...i dont know, oh and btw sir is calling u people.
Reverrrreeend Sir : "bhaifhai bark bark bark"
You can hear the thoughts of all in the room at that time. All in chorus ..Tommy Hadddddd!
Us : aye???
Me : // "Speaks in marathi thinking we mite actually understand each other "//
Reverrreeend : "bhaifai"
Me : //concludes..his nonsense is not bound by language or dialect//

He wanted a cover letter to be sent. And our telephone nos on it.
...For those of you who dont know how things work in my college,
covering letters , cover pages are more important than assignments.
So we get it.
"Arre...where are your addresses??"
"Sir, they are mentioned in detail in the applications"
"No No No...bark bark bark"

In the entaaayree college...theres only one printer working.Others are on a christmas vacation. A dot matrix that too. Yes, we still live with dot ...matrices?
The paper doesnt load. When it does the printer refuses to work.
Proff. Pappu to the rescue. Proff Pappu is bastard...but was unusually nice today.

back to revvvvvs office,
"Sir.."
"Arre leave space here no!"
Trip 3:
"Sir.."
"Arre leave space there no!"
.................n its finally done after 3 hours.
"sir.."
"hmm...ok...CHALO LETS FAX THEM!"
yes yes
lets!
....woo hoo!

In the meantime two ass kissing teachers from EXTC enter. Hehe Sir...wag wag wag..whoooorff.
Tommy, Moti, Jimmy Haaadddddd.
And revvvverrrend goes on to teach them powerpoint, which they apparently do not know.
On closer observation, reverrrreeend did not know anything either.

And the fax machine conks off.
"It is v. slow na"
....like owner like machine.

Sir, ill fax them from outside.
"hmm....frowwwn....K FINE..DO AS YOU PLEASE!"
Menopausal uncle that man.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

So.. u r looking forward to something really badly. The day before it actually happens you are so excited that the excitement consumes a mammoth amounth of your enthusiasm ,energy and thought. And when the moment finally arrives it doesnt feel that much. What an anticlimax.
Its like a drum roll...only not ending in the traditional thisssssh, the drum stick slapping the cymbal..its more more like a drum roll ending with a tuk. no bleody thisshh!

John Lennon. Over rated. But shouldnt have killed him. Should have killed Yoko the brain chokeo.

Brave plans seldom materialize.

If i had a band of my own, would start a song probably with the bass to be accompanied by a combination of an acoustic and drums. Wonder what that would sound like! Would let the instruments do the talking. You know people who tell you how they can relate to the words of a song.,my band...they would relate to the instruments playing and the lyrics would be fed according to it instead of first making lyrics and fitting some tune into it.
So much for my 5th std essay on "my band".
Idle minds and bodies are dangerous.
Love seems to be false and lust to be the truth.

Hope a four letter word. Makes u expect,dream,pray,believe in god and makes u hallucinate. The strongest 4 letter word,after the f word but ofcourse.

Songs tend to stick.I'm the world you'll never seeI'm the slave you'll never freeI'm the truth you'll never knowI'm the place you'll never goI'm the sound you'll never hearI'm the course you'll never steerI'm the will you'll not destroy....I'm the gin in the gin-soaked boy...pa pa puh puh paah

And someday we return to mediocre regularity which seems preferrable only when it is gone.
Viscious viscious circle.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Relative Reality (fancy heading huh? I dont like giving titles to posts)

We live in a society where nothing is absolute. Those who dont agree with this fact are at a risk of being called either orthodox or hyper modern. Sense and Sensitivity seem to be retro concepts.
Modern science might be a boon and a reality but literature, language and art erode, manipulate and propagate the manipulations of the absolute established by science.
Science however does not entirely provide the fuel to propel civilization. Standard definitions have ambiguity.
Language limits our creativity and understanding. Society limits our interpretations. Bad/Good?
Compatibility, unfortunately for most means acceptance. Even if it is at the cost or rejecting your opinion which you respected ; majority of the opinion might be wrong but why do we forget partially it was correct too....we wouldnt have stood by it otherwise.

Too many interpretations intersecting with each other is only a part of the problem. The root of the issue is defining boundaries. We are going fast into a time frame which has no boundaries.
That is scary. Boundaries define.Boundaries set the absolute. Boundaries help us differentiate.
Boundaries help us recognize where to stop and where to go further and set new ones.
Without boundaries.....good is bad...sweet is salty. Language is devoid of any science.Science is devoid of sense. Sense is devoid of meaning.It is going to be a mess.

So then , where do we stop? Who decides where and when? Too many answers and justifications to these questions.

Let absolute be.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Study Leave

Failure of the custom made mathematical formula.
Experiments on the pneumatic force exerted by the mouth..by the trying to turn the page of the book with a stream of wind. When the experiment was conducted successfully..the same stream is used to hold the next page down as a paper weight.
Rhyming without a reason...and it stops rhyming after a while.
The fall of the third wicket.
After much convincing myself, moving the body,getting up to shave..and theres no cream...buhh
Shower. The water starts crawwwling out of the taps...lazy fuck of a fluid.
Trying hard to sleep, listening to the radio..and they play the worst music ever.
Thinking about the last time when i did something for the first time.
Doorbell....bugger let me sleep. Doorbell...go away, come again some other day little zii wants to sleep!
Doorbell....yea..doing a good job huh?
A courier. ITS FOR MEE! I never get couriers. Neat handwriting on the envolope.Hmmm..Please god ...let it be a secret admirer...pleaseee superrr pleasse god.
These days ka Gods na...they dont listen only!
Dissappointed. Going back to bed. Its 5 now...oh damn its 5 now.
plch.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Its Ok.

Its funny how we blindly follow a few things without reasoning or question and yet celebrate it...even funnier are the things that we dont say because we fear that they may be socially unacceptable.


Although everythings fair in war..i wouldnt know about love...Its okay to say Krishna made Arjun and Yudishtir cheat.

Its okay to say it was improper of Ram to doubt his wife....yet this story is less spoken of when the Ramalila is enacted.

Its okay to say that the concept of Rozas is a bit harsh...without expecting a religious/communal backlash.

Even in the absence of evidence , its ok to believe the good man from nazareth had a family.

Its okay to say Gandhi was a great person but a bad politician..

Its okay to crave for materialistic pleasures. Craving keeps us alive...might even encourage us to take up the impossible task and achieve it.

Its okay to say the concept of the 7 deadly sins is wrong, it doesnt make me any less religious; these are afterall the flavours of life ,in the absence of which life would be the dry bland indian airlines food.(and the air hostesses at indian airlines are old too..and dont wear short skirts either!)

Its okay to derive sadistic pleasures. We all do , sometimes , however hard we deny it.

Its okay to agree with Savarkar when he said the cow should be killed when she runs out of milk and is rendered useless. Atleast , it could prove a way to feed the hungry.
There would be nothing wrong or against hindutva in doing it.

Its okay to say your parents did make mistakes in your uprbringing.We all know they gave their hearts out to raise us...but wouldnt hurt anyone really if we could only speak the truth..would it?

Its okay if you are bad at english.That does not make you a vern. Atleast you got the balls to accept it...i've known people who make tall claims and spell need as kneed.

Its okay to watch cartoon network ...It doesnt belittle your masculinity.
(although its absolutely not okay to listen to the backstreet boys...it destroys even the smallest traces of masculinity...they should be exiled to antartica).

Its okay to screw up.

To Err is God.
......then why cant we?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Not my cup of tea.

I am timid . period.
The dickhead spilled hot tea over me..n i just managed to give a 'bugger' to him...which he dint even understand.
If it was done by my brother..i would have slapped two molars and one canine out of him.
what a hypocrite am i!
I reacted..yelling out . Then i was too embarrassed since people were looking at me. I was just afraid that i created a scene. I wanted to bury myself under the table.

I should have held him by the collar.Called him stuff.Not pay the bill. Prolly even grab the cup of tea and throw the remaining tea on his face.But i chose to get embarrassed.
How timid , helpless and stupid of me...

Uptil now , i've only given it back to shorter fellow passengers , younger siblings and cousins .

I should be giving it back to :

1 ) Rude Conductors:
"saale tere baap ka bus hain kya....i pay for it..we pay taxes to keep this thing running...chutta kya mangta hain...bhikari hain kya!"

2) Women Drivers :
Forget all the gentlemanliness...pull the window down " u r a scum and your driving is a threat to civilized society"

3) Fussy Females in Public Transport :
"buhh! look at yourself! dont give that look!..even the horniest of the horny wouldnt brush against you."

4) Unreasonable Lecturers :
Chutiye. U're asking me to build Rome in a day.

5) Zonked People at Rock Shows :
"I know you are in the bliss of the himalayas rite now....once more u lean against me n go duddeee..fuhhhin awesome maan...i promise you i will pull every single one of your extra long hair out n stitch your mouth with it n tie ur hands too"

6) Fancy Places :
"this stuff is rrrriddiculously overr priced. Did u inject the sanjivani in it? was it brought down from the north pole..u stole it from santa's store house huh?? Does it have superman's DNA in it huhh?!!"

i know theres only a 30% probability of this happening. I need to strip my diffidence off me and slap such buggers with it.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Week That Was...

Coffee with the pretty girl , wanting to know how could you be blessed with the luck of some one like that , grrrrrng grrrrng grrrrrng,oh!?...ah...damn its 7 am again....and that proves to be the answer to the querry.

Gobbling on the forbidden fruit, gulping down anna's patent ,putting on some basic humanly requirements, sprint to that place, ogle at one of the beautiful opposite sex who stands there every day,gives u a look of recognition,probably a smile but will not talk.

Get into the mosh pit on 4 wheels , pulling out a gandhi from the pocket,sometimes not and feeling great about it.

Penning down the master copy, letting others do the same with yours.

Thinking about why did 7 am arrive in a middle of the "aesthetics appeal of an assignment" sermon.Nodding.Some more nodding. Thanking the authority.

Sub-Mission accomplised 1700 hrs.

Sipping on anna's patent at anna's. Screw the hair woven head , semi bald head...imaginations running wild about the semi bald needs to be suspended from his arm on a cliff ,his other arm being amputated and some itching powder generously sprinkled on his balls.

Water down the throat , Satriani between the ears , cello gripper between the fingers...another few hours. Another basic human requirement between the teeth,remembering this was not done in the morning.

Welcome Fantasyland.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Lady Luck..Why You Elusive lil' bitch!!

Good times Bad Times
This Led Zep song starts ringing in your ears ...many a times when u go "aah....was just there"...
"I CANT BELIEEHIEVE THISS!"

A few instances of which i was a part of..i am sure you too were at some time

1) So the buses 505 and 504...both can reach you home. Usually you happen to sit in 505. At a particular bus stop everyday...a heavenly chic is standing...and every freakin day she gets into 504 which is rite behind the bus you are in. And you thought how you wish you took 504 instead of this freakin bus!
So on one fine day you sit in 504...hopes at their all time high. Hopes get higher than everrr when all other seats get occupied except for the one next to you. The bus makes a jerky stop....you see the heavenly chic....your heart starts beating @ 5000 beats/min
.
.
.
.
.
.
....and she gets into the 505 that is rite behind your bus. STUPID FEMALE FROM HELL!


2 ) So this question has appeared in the paper alternatively...n this time its the turn of the question not to come...and some other to come. You could bet on this. Even better than the mahalaxmi punters....u go about gyaan about your theory to others too.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Holy Mother off.....Our Lady of Screw ups!...The question which was not supposed to come is the compulsory question...the question over which ...u would not have bothered to study otherwise slogged ur arse out just cuz u thot it was gonna come....DIDNT FREAKIN COME!


...yeah lot more....some day ill release the sequel of this....im bored as of now.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Stuck in the Head

I am the nina,
the pintathe santa maria,
The noose and the rapist
And the fields overseer
The agents of orange
The priests of hiroshima
----------sleep now in the fire ,RATM

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found?
The same old fears.

------------ Wish u here, floyd

Cancel my subscription to the Resurrection
Send my credentials to the House of Detention
I got some friends inside
----------when the music is over, The Doors

And when everything seems like the movies,
You just bleed to know that you're alive
---------iris, goo goo dolls

Forget the night.
Live with us in forests of azure.
Out here on the perimeter there are no stars
Out here we iare stoned-immaculate.------- texas radio, The Doors

Dark grin, he can’t help,
when he’s happy looks insane,
even flow,
thoughts arrive like butterflies
He don’t know, so he chases them away
------even flow , Pearl Jam