Stop complaining about the air hostesses in Indian Airlines or Air India. They will surely be younger than what you have in Delta. So that's how it was to start off with. Toilets at Mumbai airport or most places in Mumbai are better than at New York and Atlanta.

I was accompanied by an old Gujju couple who were probably traveling for the first time in a plane. While the plane was on the tarmac awaiting flying clearance, uncle had wrapped himself with a blanket and asked me if it becomes cold as we go up. I showed them how to use the earphones, draw the tray forward, how to recline seats etc. and they found every movement in the plane amusing. A little adorable they were.

For the first time in my life I realised, rather people made me realise that I was brown. A little Texan girl in the flight kept staring at me from top to bottom. Most people didn't follow what I said, I had to repeat myself. Except an aunty who told me "I know its gonna be an adjustment, but do well and all the best."

Takes time to sink in. I sometimes still refer to the locals as "foreigners".

I don't like the word 'desi'.

Lowest point uptil now: I missed the national anthem being played when India won its first individual gold.
Most amusing moment uptil now: My roommate trying to convince me women beach volleyball players are lesbians.

He said it was due to load shedding and discourage people from unnecessarily increasing his bill.

I continue to not understand women. Today in the bus, two aunties created confusion. They wanted to sit together. They made a man swap seats and what not...all that just for sitting together for 2 stops. Then, I met a friend of mine. A friend of hers, with whom she was spending time before she met me waved out to her from her window. The lady's hand kept oscillating like a grandfather clock's pendulum...of course an upside down pendulum. My friend waved back to her, yet she kept waving. My friend asked me to stop being rude and wave back to her and when I did, the woman signalled she wasn't waving at me, but at my friend. Buhh.


Thats about it. I have nothing more to say as of now. I will write from a different land now onwards. Let's see how that goes.

Oye Oye! Oye o o aah

I still remember things that I saw on TV when I was small. I happen to remember them better than the things I watch these days. We used to group up and sit at some's place to watch a particular serial or a movie. Obviously, the friend's mother whose house we used to watch TV in didn't like 10 to 20 boys sitting inside one room. Colour TV too was somewhat of a novelty. I remember my grandmother's black and white Bush TV with a knob on it to adjust channels and antannae on it. That was the time when the VCR was the super cool gizmo and I used to rent casettes and watch them 5 times (atleast). The late 80's and the early 90's. Cable connection was still an alien concept. DD-1 used to be very boring, it mostly showed news about Rajiv Gandhi, Chandrashekhar or V.P.Singh. Where as DD-2 was the cool channel to watch.

My favourite movies, of that time and given a chance..i would still watch them :

Tridev:
It had a very muscular Sunny Deol, actresses dancing in funny clothes (termed as hot at that time), a super cool villain named Bhujang played by Amrish Puri and a funny tune which they play constantly during the movie. That was the only time, other than Dekh Bhai Dekh when I had liked Shekhar Suman. My favourite things to watch in the movie were the Oye Oye song and the scene where Sunny rises from the ashes after the "Paap se dharti fati. fati fatii.....Adharm se aasmaan...Atyachaar se kaampi insaaniyat... Raaj kar rahe haivaan...Jinki hogi taaqat apoorvJinka hoga nishaana abhed...Jo karenge inka sarvanaash...Woh kehlaayenge...Tridev! Tridev! Tridev! " dialogue :D!

Mr. India:
Mr India, again had my favourite villain ..MOGAMBO :D! He had rings on his fingers that made a sound while he tapped them on a spherical extension of the arm rest of his huge chair. He also had a pool of acid in which he ordered his men to dive and they did it willingly shouting HAIL MOGAMBO..and then Mogambo used to become khush :D. An invisible Arun Bhaiyya kicked aHanuman idol stealing Bob Christo's arse and made him say Sorry Badgereng Bawli, Je Badgereng Bawli. Then there was Sridevi and Aftab Shivdasani doing the Charlie Chaplin act in a gavthi casino. There was a parody of songs over a football. And not to forget Miss Hawa Hawaii.

The Veeranas, The Band Darwazas, The Purana Mandirs, The Wahi Ek Bhayanak Raats.
Brand Ramsay. Tulsi Ramsay, Shyam Ramsay etc etc etc. They used to have a thakur with a scary haveli. The thakurs had voluptious daughters who..god knows why but liked actors like Hemant Birje. They also had doors that opened by themselves and fog which came out of nowhere. They had the typical Ramsay scary movie tune which was later used in Zee horror show. They had nympho Bhoots who attacked the heroines, while they were in shower.
There were bhoots who said "nikiddaaa" and there were bhoots named Samri.

Moving on to TV..

Mahabharat
It started off with a voice with the space in the background and a rotating wheel saying "Main Samay hoon". This line is now frequently used in comedys these and people laugh over it but I doubt if they actually understand the actual humour and spoof behind it. I always liked Mahabharat better than Ramanand Sagar's Ramayan, which had an arrow multiplying into 400 arrows. Mahabharat had Puneet Issar, whom I thought should have played Bheem instead of Duryodhan. Mukesh Khanna played Bheeshma Peetama with his silver white beard. My favourite episode was when Arjun defeats Jayadrath.

Giant Robot
I'm not too sure if too many people have seen this serial.
http://www.japanhero.com/Graphics/heroprofileL/giant%20robo/giant%20robo.jpg
That's what he looks like. A friend of mine also called him a pharaohic robot. Well.
He could fly, he could fight sea monsters, he could shoot bullets from his fingers, he could shoot fire beams from his eyes and thunderbolts from..I am not exactly sure where. It had funny looking bad guys called gargoyles.

Super Hit Muqabla
The most popular and the most memorable serial of DD-2. Hosted by "Tiki tiki taiki taiki tum tum" Baba Sehgal. Hyper cool he was at that time..had to be...it was the time that most Indians got introduced to the concept of rap. Some of his own songs used to feature in the Muqabla. Some of his 'catchy' tunes were Manjoola Manjoola, Dr. Dhingra , Miss Loomba Loomba and Thanda Thanda Pani. Then came Apache Indian to India...whose songs Baba never played on Muqabla. I was pro-Baba then...ubck.

Sunday Special with Jungle Book at 10am followed by Duck Tales and Tales Spin.Mowgli with his yellow chaddi, Nana Patekar doing Sher Khan's voice, the music when Sher Khan made an entry, Uncle Scrooge..all legendary I say.

I can go on and write about Alif Laila, Poltiwala Baba, Zabaan Sambhal Ke, Dekh Bhai Dekh..but..now I am bored of writing.

R.I.P. Desmond

Once upon a time in Office Land during my training period I used to handle supplies and that included the supply of nuts,bolts,washers etc. as well. So one fine day, when I was walking acting all coolio with a coffee in one hand and unimportant papers in the other (that is what I do to make people think I am on something important and leave me at peace), a ...well..a..gentleman asked me where the studs and nuts were. I told him nicely they were in the 'pipeline', an office slang for things being in transit. But he obviously wanted to act witty and asked me "How long is this pipeline anyway?" I had to act witty too then, I told him I can be a stud sometimes and he is always a nut. He didn't get it. Maut, the death of a repartee.

I don't know why I pick the wrong people to play around with. People like the head of departments. I was walking past his cabin and he called out to me "AYE! Come!" and I looked back, up, down, around, here, there and asked him "Who me?" There wasn't anyone around me for miles and I knew that too. It was more like a reflex. I honestly don't know why I did it. I was just glad I didn't get fired.

One of the plant assosciates had his birthday a week back. Since we do not have a separate tea time, the people on the shop floor just gather around and break for 10 minutes on the shop floor only. They decided to gift him flowers and asked me to present it to him while they stood around us and clapped. I felt special. And embarrassed too. Teehee!

A pigeon flew into the office. Through the AC duct. It fluttered. Poor thing also banged against the glass window wanting to go out. So we opened the door and showed him the way out. And it flew away..go birdie go..But birdie left its dropping on Sachin's computer. Bad Birdie.
A friend of mine had told me about a cockroach in her office. A similar thing happened in mine too. So the cockroach decided to run here and there. The women obviously..created a..eee..aa..you know? Yea, we know. So.. our peon, our knight in the shining armour killed the roach. And one of those very women went "Awwww Desmond! :-("
We dont have any Desmond in office. Turns out..the woman had named the roach Desmond while creating a..you know? And now she is sad that it is dead. 'Desmond' it seems. Fancy names.

Now I speak. You listen.

I don't think Mr. Bean is funny. Not even close to it. I saw a young Rowan Atkinson in Never Say Never Again the other day on TV. I think Tom and Jerry is mad funny.

Hindi news channels need to get a life. And they also need some audience which appreciates the crap that they show. WWE is a matter of discussion on national newschannels now. And I understand how Dhoni has become really rich, but it does not deserve 28 hours of television time in a day.

I think Bal Thackeray had a cool self proclaimed fashion sense, you know with his square glasses and the crisp white kurtas?


I wouldn't mind being crisp white shirts on my birthday. T shirts will do too.

I thought Bindi on Jhalak Dikh La Ja was fabulous. I found her on Orkut also. But her profile says strangers should not add her( which is but natural). I might have scrapped her telling her that I really liked her but her scrap book was full of people telling her that she was cool(which she is), asking her if she was the same choreographer and inviting her for workshops, parties and things like those. So the gentleman that I am, I refrained from messaging a stranger girl and in the process making her a girl whom I liked and never spoke to. (There exists no list of girls whom I liked and I told them that I did). Too many brackets.


Speaking of Orkut, things don't go beyond "what's up? long time?" , do they?


Speaking of "reality shows", it's become quite predictable that the less talented one wins in the final, no?

I thought Shah Rukh Khan had no business and should not have been hugging people after winning the world cup. Also, he looks very plastic now because of his new look. Disgusting. He speaks very well though.

I would like to go to Ladakh and Leh. Lakshadweep too.

I am done. Now you speak, I'll listen.

SH on you!

Sh...sh...

Introspection: SHit men, i dont know any!

I don't know who invented Antakshari. And why is it a game you have to play when you are travelling.

"Baithe baithe kya karen, karna hain kuch kaam"...Just look out of the bloody window man and appreciate how beautiful the drive is or how beautiful the chick in the adjacent car is. Let peace prevail. But no! I heard it somewhere, and it applies to me too ;"Slit my throat, but I wont sing." One, I cannot sing. I fake singing in antakshari by moving my lips. I have an even more serious problem, I just dont know lyrics...of any song! There are times in the game where I sing very loudly...and those are times when I sing it all wrong. They stop their songs there, there is silence and they stare at me. UBCK.

Then there are technicalities too. "This is not a film song."

P on you!

(Me, very happily sings one of my favourite songs to listen to when I go for a drive) Pyaar hume kis mod pe le aayaaa.....

"THIS IS NOT HOW IT STARTS!

OH YEAH? WHY DONT YOU JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW THEN. GO DIE!

"Tick tick (brings mouth closer to my ear) ONNNEE.... tick tick(brings mouth closer to my ear) TWOOO..."

Then there was a "thande thande paani se gaana chaiye, (a hailstorm of taplis)
Gaana aaye yaa naa aaye gaana chaiye."

Go die man.

Having a bath in the village is special. The bathroom is a separate room behind the house and in the wilderness. It had an asbestos roof and the wall had holes in it. It had a long nail, in the shape of a hook to lock the door. It also had a place to sit. I was trying to dodge the rays of light that were coming through the holes in an attempt to make myself invisible. My privacy was invaded by animals occassionally moving around the room rustling through the shrubs, but that was not the worst part.

So there I was, sitting on the bathroom stone, pouring water over myself in peace and quiet when suddenly I heard some one trying to open the door and the hook would give away at the force at which it was being pulled.

"Who's there?"
Fuck. A lady.

//Grabs the nearest thing close to me to hide behind, with soap in eyes I managed to grab a........
.....mug.//

//Covering myself// "I am in here!"

"Who?"
"Me."

"WHO?"
What who man! Asking if she knew me.
"MEE!"

She was obviously not amused. I wasn't amused either. I was afraid. She walked away like the bear in the story where the man lay on the ground and didn't move creating an impression he was dead. She told her kid that she would bathe him outside only. The kid, who obviously seemed to have more sense than her, refused to do so. But she insisted on it.

"But you are smaaaalll", she said, and poured water over him.
The kid, I am assuming crouched in a bush. " Arrre...why are you going there..stand up straight, you are smalll its ok!"

Lady. Respect his privacy. And mine too. He can have a bath after 5 mins, I'll be done soon, I am not a blue whale, it won't take too long to bathe myself.

But she continued with her "Stand straight" and the kid yelled "NOUU" from the bushes. Reminded me of the Beta Swetar pehno advertisement.

"Oh kaka! you are here! Then who is inside?!?!"

She said the who is inside another two times. I thought it wouldn't be too long before she barged in to fulfill her curiousity. Still trying to recover from shock, I decided I should get out of there as soon as possible. My old friend Murphy had told me once, when things are supposed to go wrong, they will. I had forgotten to take my towel. Right, so, now I have two options; wait for the glorius sunrays to dry me risking the lady barging in, or I could use my shirt. I chose the latter.

I opened the door. Apart from the kid, who had a look on his face which suggested he was molested, there were....not one, ubck but four women, two on either side of the door resembling the walk a batsman takes through the stands. They whispered amongst themselves as I looked down and walked past trying to dig a hole and bury my head in it. Evil women, them.