Ji. Maaval, Tal: Pune

They are, what you call 'academically uninclined'. Some of them, I doubt have even passed their 10th. They refer to each other with names like 'letya', 'jaadya', 'baarkya', 'vikram sheth' etc. They have gaudy gold chains around their necks with the top two buttons left unbuttoned showing of their...supposedly manly chests. They are those typical guys, who will talk on lengths and flirt with 'mohalle ki meena'. They become 'karyakartas' and 'sevaks' in this season. They do everything from knocking every door to collect 'vargani' , setting up the pandal, cleaning the premises twice a day to bursting the last fancy cracker minutes before the actual visarjan. Good job, they do.

Yes, too many inverted commas over there; stop whining. There will be more.
The evening of the first day is for sports and 'running race' is the most popular sport. Like stadiums, we have ends too. One of them is the mandap end and since there are deserted buildings on the other side of the road, the other end becomes 'bhoot bangla end'. A 30 metre end from the mandap to the bhoot bangla end. The kids line up at the start line. "Onyo maax...gat saaat". Kids are weird; instead of getting set, they will crouch like cats before they jump. Onyo maax, gat saat, ek, do, saade, maade... buhh. JUST SAY TEEN AND LET THE KIDS RUN! But he will continue with endless build up before he says start. Oneeee...Twooo...Th...false start. It is much like a shoot which needs several re-takes. There is match fixing here too. One of the runners gets a tip that the "go" is going to be said quickly after the two and three instead of the long build up.

New Bombay gives a 10 day break now where as Agnels and Sacred Heart give it for Christmas.

Singing, solo and group dance competetions are the main events. They all want a ring side view. Our sevaks then drive them out. Sometimes they give them taplis and push them back and some ocassions they adopt the more gandhian "Thing's won't get started unless the first line of the chairs begins where the mandap ends. Obviously, the original first rowers get displaced in all this and then there is their favourite crib, "Lekin uncle mainne 7 baje se jagah pakdi thi!" Yes, they have become 'uncles' now. Some of them call me uncle too. UBCK.

Every year, sitting in the middle rows are a couple of didis. A didi, typically is a girl who has just touched puberty, with her eyebrows done, probably for the first time with her oh I am so cool for you all expression. She is confused if she could still cheer out loud or is she too old for it. A typical didi is a veteran on stage, who has been there done that. Her comments are supposed to be wise and sometimes funny.

Didis and uncles compere many events too. They move around the 15X15 stage with a microphone in their hands whose wire they are constantly twirling and twisting in their hand. I suppose it is the compere thing to do, just like those VJs clasp their palms together. By the way, the wire is 5000 miles long, stripped at places and it runs across the stage(causing a few to trip over it) and over and around the speakers.

The kids come for elocution and singing.
"I am a little teapot //wipes nose// ..Short and stout ..here is my //deep breath in which can be heard on the mic// handle and here is my //wipes nose//spout. When i get all steamed up//another deep breath// ...when i get all steamed up...when i get all steamed up...(uh. oh. what's next??)...TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!! hihihihihi" // huge smile that it is finally over, runs off the stage still wiping the nose//

Then it's the turn of oh so cute 2 year olds to dance. They hold their fists in the air and jump up and down. With them, are their mothers trying to encourage them with their fists in the air too. Aunty, your daughter is two, you aren't. Buhh. Then at the end of it the aunty complains how the other kid was given 2mins and 2 secs while her kid was given 2 min 1 min 59 secs only when the time limit is only 2 mins. Your daughter is two, aunty, you aren't. Buhh.

Fancy dress has atleast one sardar kid leaving his hair open and being a woman, a teacher taking attendance amd that lady character from saas bhi kabhi bahu thi doing the "ara ra ra ra". I veto the sardard kid. My all time favourite.

Flash back .1990-94. I stood 2nd/3rd in the running race.Magan Mall and Atul were arch rivals for the running race in their age group and Pompy used to show off his cycling skills between races. I won the drawing competition also. Essay competition too. I had won Camel water colour cakes. I was also a part of a group that won the drama competition two consecutive years. Calling it a skit takes away the punch.."drama competition" only, please. All round champ only. Such a cool I was then. Now times have changed....kids are quite stupoid these days.

Pretty Madhura stands in the truck. She waves out to her friends below and blows a flying kiss to her baby sister. Quite a beauty queen she is. I think she ate half of the tub full of sheera too. Lucky her.

And then we danz. My all time danz favourites include:

1. Moongda

2. Jogiya Khali Vali

3. Bilanchi nagin nighali

4. Yeh desh hain veer javano ka

5. Kajra Re

It takes acute coordination. Your hands need to be swaying, while your head is too, mind you both should be out of sync. Legs can be in air too, one or two at a time. Svaadanusar. Props include a saffron flag (nothing to do with Shiv Sena), a saffron bandana and handkerchief( very important to have one). You can take the handkerchief in your hand and move it around in concentric circles, ellipses or even figures of 8 if it would make you happy. You can also make it into a flute for some nagin song while the other person makes a hood on his head by holding his hands together and moves like, what he thinks is a snake. You can also twirl the kerchief, hold it behind your neck and move it sideways while doing sit ups and looking towards the sky. You can mix and match. The kids get tired after 2 hours of danzing and that's when Letya gives some of them a tapli and goes "AYE! NAACH RE!"Pure expression. And that is how we danz.

The morning after, the roads are pink and scattered with left overs of fire crackers.

And after the dust settles, the kids start playing what the drama they saw for 10 days.

Noisy, yes. Buhh. What are we without all this?