First it was : Are you on hi5?
Then it became: Are you on orkut?
Now it is : Are you on facebook?
SHUT. UP.
The next person who asks me that question....i promise i will hit him/her with a dudhi.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Habits
1. I pull my socks up everytime I sit in a vehicle.
2. I take a U-pin and straighten it, after which i hold it between my teeth to strip of its coating. On an average, I strip some 5 pins a day.
3. After having a bath, I wear my watch before my clothes.
4. Count the number of steps at a new place.
5. Separate out the khaddi shakkar from my saunf and give the sugar to some one else, except for one crystal that I place in the centre of my saunf pile for decoration.
6. Pass the ice cube through the stirrer and place it on the glass as if it is being barbequeued over the drink and let the ice drip-melt.
7. Move my lips to popular songs whose lyrics I don't know as if I had written the song and I won't deny doing it.
8. Type my windows password before sitting on my chair.
9. Type out the link, in the window I am chatting in, instead of opening a new window.
2. I take a U-pin and straighten it, after which i hold it between my teeth to strip of its coating. On an average, I strip some 5 pins a day.
3. After having a bath, I wear my watch before my clothes.
4. Count the number of steps at a new place.
5. Separate out the khaddi shakkar from my saunf and give the sugar to some one else, except for one crystal that I place in the centre of my saunf pile for decoration.
6. Pass the ice cube through the stirrer and place it on the glass as if it is being barbequeued over the drink and let the ice drip-melt.
7. Move my lips to popular songs whose lyrics I don't know as if I had written the song and I won't deny doing it.
8. Type my windows password before sitting on my chair.
9. Type out the link, in the window I am chatting in, instead of opening a new window.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Random
I like gulmohar. Not one single gulmohar though. No, I am not girly or gay, I dont like the flower but I like the tree. I don't know if it grows in other seasons or not but that is one thing I usually assosciate with summer. The rains destroy the gulmohars. Their maut, the death becomes. They get scattered on the road on both its sides. At six thirty in the morning, with eyes half open, there is nothing else on the road, it looks like the road itself is on fire. Illusions become stronger when the wind blows and the flowers are fall from the tree and the ones on the road swirl around. Quite a sight it is.
I read an article about 'bum wax' on DNA's front page today. What is this world coming to?
Mumbai Mirror once showed a picture of Dravid spending some time with his family after the world cup and asked readers to rate if he was fit enough. Agreed that they played like bum waxes, but don't shoot a person when he is in a towel spending some quite time with his family, please.
Women have gases too, they just release them surreptitiously. I remember, while in junior college, a friend told me how a girl and him were appearing for a test at the tuitions that he attended when he heard a fart and it smelled too. You know how it stays when you are in an air conditioned environment? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. The girl gave him a "Oh you are so gross" look. Funny girl; there were only two people in the room and it wasn't him for sure.What was she thinking? He just pointed at her and laughed. He told me this story and named it "Light travels faster than sound!" I still wonder how the hell does light come into the picture anyway. Ubck. Anyway, he is the same person who says things like "The birds are chipring." Funny fellow.
I never drink water from the tumbler when I am at home. It has to be directly from the bottle and since I dont stick the bottle to my lips I have to look up. So today when I was drinking water and I looked up, I saw a lizard on the ceiling, upside down with its body stretched and head held upright (well, it was upside down...so..downright?) and arching. Tee hee.
All ugly insects migrate to my house during monsoon. There is a big brown coloured flying thing which my brother calls a 'moth'. Its loitering around somewhere now. It has one single wing and a black head as big as my middle finger's nail. I feel like killing it one phatka but then two issues come to my mind, one; it might be seeking shelter and as such has not come in my way yet and two, I dont know how much body mass is behind that wing and I dont want it to be rubbery and blobby and blood to squirt if I give it one strong phatka. I need help, its three inches wide and quite repugnant.
I make good funnies some times. I am proud of :
Q. What do you call a Parsi cup cake?
A: Bawa Cake.
Q: What do you call Brian Lara's genitals?
A : Privates of the Carribean.
Yus.
Parle G dipped in hot tea and made into cerelac is an absolute delicacy. There is nothing Indian about Suneeta Williams other than her origin, cut the crappy "India is proud of you". Do moths die when bum wax is applied to them? All girls should be Fionas and should choose Shreks over Prince Charmings. There is nothing dignified about the Presidential election. Fashutana writes about gradual relaxation of security in Mumbai and Kashmir these days. What is this country coming to? I like friendly conductors in buses. Its the God's Day :-)
Hello. //extends arm to shake hand// This is what I do when I have nothing to do.
Then? then?
"..Then a panda ate a potato and fell over."
I read an article about 'bum wax' on DNA's front page today. What is this world coming to?
Mumbai Mirror once showed a picture of Dravid spending some time with his family after the world cup and asked readers to rate if he was fit enough. Agreed that they played like bum waxes, but don't shoot a person when he is in a towel spending some quite time with his family, please.
Women have gases too, they just release them surreptitiously. I remember, while in junior college, a friend told me how a girl and him were appearing for a test at the tuitions that he attended when he heard a fart and it smelled too. You know how it stays when you are in an air conditioned environment? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. The girl gave him a "Oh you are so gross" look. Funny girl; there were only two people in the room and it wasn't him for sure.What was she thinking? He just pointed at her and laughed. He told me this story and named it "Light travels faster than sound!" I still wonder how the hell does light come into the picture anyway. Ubck. Anyway, he is the same person who says things like "The birds are chipring." Funny fellow.
I never drink water from the tumbler when I am at home. It has to be directly from the bottle and since I dont stick the bottle to my lips I have to look up. So today when I was drinking water and I looked up, I saw a lizard on the ceiling, upside down with its body stretched and head held upright (well, it was upside down...so..downright?) and arching. Tee hee.
All ugly insects migrate to my house during monsoon. There is a big brown coloured flying thing which my brother calls a 'moth'. Its loitering around somewhere now. It has one single wing and a black head as big as my middle finger's nail. I feel like killing it one phatka but then two issues come to my mind, one; it might be seeking shelter and as such has not come in my way yet and two, I dont know how much body mass is behind that wing and I dont want it to be rubbery and blobby and blood to squirt if I give it one strong phatka. I need help, its three inches wide and quite repugnant.
I make good funnies some times. I am proud of :
Q. What do you call a Parsi cup cake?
A: Bawa Cake.
Q: What do you call Brian Lara's genitals?
A : Privates of the Carribean.
Yus.
Parle G dipped in hot tea and made into cerelac is an absolute delicacy. There is nothing Indian about Suneeta Williams other than her origin, cut the crappy "India is proud of you". Do moths die when bum wax is applied to them? All girls should be Fionas and should choose Shreks over Prince Charmings. There is nothing dignified about the Presidential election. Fashutana writes about gradual relaxation of security in Mumbai and Kashmir these days. What is this country coming to? I like friendly conductors in buses. Its the God's Day :-)
Hello. //extends arm to shake hand// This is what I do when I have nothing to do.
Then? then?
"..Then a panda ate a potato and fell over."
Friday, May 04, 2007
My Mom Read My Blog.
Thanks to a genius of a friend, who told, my mother of all other people in this world that i had a blog.
So she
1. "Son of a bitch" and asked me to have a better caption...thats the first thing she saw.
2. How Banana bastardised all the she dogs.
3. Sympathised with Alice and told me I should be nice to her.
She thought it was a one-off post on some site. Which is a good thing. Good thing she didnt read
1. unicorn below the waist.
2. Babe aunty/ badi hokar babe banegi.
3. Our hots for a married woman in Goa.
4. Would have called me a MCP for wanting to kill pretty girls...or could have thought i am one of those loony homicidal freaks who targets girls only while they are in the shower, like in those horror movies and must have thought no wonder her son is single.
5. Me wanting to castrate mosquitoes.
Ubck.
Renuka, you're quite a genius indeed.
Shakya, stop calling me kutta, you son of a bitch!
anonymous people: you suck, mention your names.
So she
1. "Son of a bitch" and asked me to have a better caption...thats the first thing she saw.
2. How Banana bastardised all the she dogs.
3. Sympathised with Alice and told me I should be nice to her.
She thought it was a one-off post on some site. Which is a good thing. Good thing she didnt read
1. unicorn below the waist.
2. Babe aunty/ badi hokar babe banegi.
3. Our hots for a married woman in Goa.
4. Would have called me a MCP for wanting to kill pretty girls...or could have thought i am one of those loony homicidal freaks who targets girls only while they are in the shower, like in those horror movies and must have thought no wonder her son is single.
5. Me wanting to castrate mosquitoes.
Ubck.
Renuka, you're quite a genius indeed.
Shakya, stop calling me kutta, you son of a bitch!
anonymous people: you suck, mention your names.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Son of a Bitch!
Kalu Bai1986- 1993
Mind the pronounciation, it is the Maharashtrian hard L in Kalu. Very loving by nature. Unlike the pampered brat of a dog i have now, was very down to earth, used to relish on milk and bread, never demanded fancy food. In 1992, when I had chicken pox and didn't step out of the house for a few days, the good lady came outside my gallery and peeked inside to check where I had been. Kept all the 'bad dogs' out of the compound. Would fall asleep on petting her. Kalu went on to have kids with Lalu ( who was an orange-brown mad dog with a torn ear and hence the name). I dont know why, but like they say street dogs who drool a lot have rabies, i had a theory that dogs with torn ears are mad and will bite any time. I kept away from Lalu and so did Kalu bai. The above file picture shows Kalu Bai in a pensive mood in 1989 when the foothpath in the background was under development. She suffered from cancer and eventually left us all in the winter of '93.
Tom
(a.k.a. Tommy/Tomya)
1988- 1994
I don't know what happened to the other puppies, I think Lalu ate them, Tom was the only one of Kalu's puppies that I got to know. Tom was the definition of a loyal dog. He was intelligent and unlike the brat that I now have, never chased his tail. He used to sit outside the house, i suppose had taken the onus of being a watch dog on himself without anyone asking him to do so. Tom was a smart dog, he was black in colour with white patches in the middle and had brown eyebrows( see the above picture closely), just like his mother. He loved heights, used to climb on roofs thinking he was tom cat while we used to stand below with our hands in the air praying that he wouldn't jump down and creating a havoc, jusstaa like they show in the movies when a suicidal person is about to jump from the terrace. (Roof = the roof ON the terrace). The secretary had never locked the terrace before this, inspite of 6 year old children(read as me) almost falling down from it; but he locked the terrace for a few weeks whenever Tom wanted to feel 'on the top of the world'. I dragged him home to save him from those municipality's dog catcher once. Had also trained him how to run inside the building whenever they came. He was quite an intelligent dog.
Tom had children with Chameli. Chameli was nice too, but she was a gypsy by nature. She left her children back and went on a world trip, or so I was told.
Tom dissappeared in 1994. He was 'probably' picked up by the muncipality, or so I was told again. Till date I refuse he was picked up, he was too intelligent for them.
Tommy's children
1994 to ...
(i dont know if they are still alive or not)
1. Bam Bam Bigello
Grey in color, had brown eye brows too. Used to sniff into people's shorts.
2.Miss India.
She had blue eyes. Aishwarya was crowned as Miss Universe then, and was named after her. A bastard drove his cycle over her and she died young.
3.Undertaker
He was black in colour with thick fur and was quite dumb. He was the biggest in the lot. Was quite a bully. Disloyal too. Bugger.
4. Tatanka
Was the jumpiest in the lot. He got hit by a car while he was being his jumpy self in the middle of the freakin main road. Idiot.
Banana
1993 to 1997
The younger had attended his pre-admission interview for his admission in nursery. There he was shown a banana and was asked what is the fruit called. He couldn't answer it. He got to know it was called a banana and that is what he named the first thing he saw in sight. Banana followed him from outside the school, where he was loitering to my building. He got along well with the other dogs, since they were about his age. He was quite a player. He knew every bitch in the town. He must have bastardised a lot of puppy dogs in the area. Believe me, the number of unknown puppies HAD increased while he was there. He decided to take off with some she dog he fell in love with and never came back after that.
Alice
From 1994
(Harami Blogger won't let me post her pic)
Have already written about her before.
We had picked up Bimbo, a puppy dog from the premises of a temple. Bimbo used to eat everything from newspapers to chappas. Bedsheets too. He used to bark at my grandfather when he snored. He pooped in everyone's shoes. So he had to go. We exchanged him for his sister, Alice. Alice was totally anti-Bimbo. Till date, she is very fussy about the food she eats. She loves dragging the banana peel out of the dustbin and eating and people think we don't feed her properly and thats why she retorts to such tactics. Spends most of her time sleeping and shaking her ears and paws while she is at it.
Wimplo
(Don't know where he came from but has been hanging around the building for quite some time now)
Wimplo is mad and drooly. His ear is torn too. He is mad. But he doesn't bite. He likes to get pampered. He too, will eat any shit. Is very protective about his territory. Has a good rapport with all the cats in the area, I don't know how. Yea, thats about it about him, he is mad and drooly.
Miscellaneous :
1. Had a turtle for a day named Sheru . Had to leave him.
2. A sparrow for a day. Died on a saturday.
3. A cat named kitty. Had to leave her.
4. We had a pomeranian when I was 3 named Steffi. Was given away.
And Iyer, this is not like you and and your tripod ( who,by the way, ran aaway from you..nyehehe) ; dogs are far more cooler. Yea.
Monday, February 12, 2007
The devil's yesterday. Everyday activities make you tell time without looking at the watch. No 5.45 aazan today. I woke up on time, without anyone having to wake me up. No elderly gentleman sitting in his white ambassador which has a board which reads "Bhabha Atomic Research Centre" at 08.23. I even know his car's number. Shoe lace did not open at 8.26. The old mad beggar did not drag herself across the signal while swearing in the air at 8.29. (I was looking for a better word for "mad beggar", you know the kind who wear soiled clothes and has shabby hair which is probably as hard as a municipality worker's broom stick and who talks in the air. I also asked a sub-editor of a famous newspaper/magazine about it.
As you can see, journalists, these days are quite useless. I was also looking for better way to say my shoe laces did not open ) .
My shuttle did stop at the signal between 8.33 and 8.34. No grease on cuffs. No getting caught up at 137 second long signal on my way back home. Unusual deviation from a typical monday.
All because of global warming I'll tell you.
No more of
"Send this V V
V V V
V V
V V
V
(After 3 unsuccesful attempts at making a heart out of ?, * and V, i quit. it was supposed to be a heart...assume the current design to be a heart, then )
to 10 people to get tru luv" please.
And no, I will get my hear punctured ,but wont, definitely will not send it back to you.
People who send such forwarded emails should be made locked in a room with a horny octopus.
Excuse the symmetry of the heart.
If you are one of those who actually send it to people hoping for something to happen, dig a hole in mother earth, fill it water and drown. No, wait. Do not waste resources. Just bury yourself.
Goa joke, which i forgot to mention the last time.
Cheenu to Banda: Kya! Are you always horny? You're like a unicorn below the waist.
Jokes are funnier when the person on whom they are, does not understand them.
Impostor alert : www.zii.blogspot.com
not the real thing. Nyeh Eh.
As you can see, journalists, these days are quite useless. I was also looking for better way to say my shoe laces did not open ) .
My shuttle did stop at the signal between 8.33 and 8.34. No grease on cuffs. No getting caught up at 137 second long signal on my way back home. Unusual deviation from a typical monday.
All because of global warming I'll tell you.
No more of
"Send this V V
V V V
V V
V V
V
(After 3 unsuccesful attempts at making a heart out of ?, * and V, i quit. it was supposed to be a heart...assume the current design to be a heart, then )
to 10 people to get tru luv" please.
And no, I will get my hear punctured ,but wont, definitely will not send it back to you.
People who send such forwarded emails should be made locked in a room with a horny octopus.
Excuse the symmetry of the heart.
If you are one of those who actually send it to people hoping for something to happen, dig a hole in mother earth, fill it water and drown. No, wait. Do not waste resources. Just bury yourself.
Goa joke, which i forgot to mention the last time.
Cheenu to Banda: Kya! Are you always horny? You're like a unicorn below the waist.
Jokes are funnier when the person on whom they are, does not understand them.
Impostor alert : www.zii.blogspot.com
not the real thing. Nyeh Eh.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
This day, last year we were in Goa. I clearly remember Banda arguing with the tout about how Sakrant was almost over, the 'season' had ended and the hotels should not charge more. Cheenu told him that it was not in the tout's hands and they started arguing over it, one of the million arguments they must have had in the year of 2006. Some of the other arguments these fellows had were about how 9/11 was a conspiracy by the US, should Demi Moore be termed as a whore or not in Indecent Proposal, since ladies in Kamathipura only do it to feed their children, how a photo should be clicked etc.
So there we were, desperately looking for a room at 8pm and you would know, the public transport in Goa closes down at 7.30 and taxi drivers charge you ridiculous amounts. And then started another Banda v/s Cheenu arguments about if we should run to Mhapse instead and i prayed for something good to happen in the midst of all this...and it did. A bearded middle aged man appeared out of nowhere. I thought, if Jesus was about 40 and he would have started to lose hair on his head, he would have looked exactly like him! His name was Anthony Gonzalvez.
Ok...so it was not. I would have liked if it was though. He was Anthony D'souza and he took us to his Roop Mahal, Prem Gali, Kholi no. chaar sau bees. Kholi number char sau bees was situated on top of a small hillock which oversaw the Mandavi and the base of which was situated a gaonthan. The room was small and had lemon yellow walls with roof made of layers of broken pots. ('Thatched with broken pots'...or something like that). The room needed cleaning and we asked Anthony to do it. Anthony had a cottage, he stays with his family on the upper floor while he used the rooms below as rooms for a lodge.
Our room needed cleaning and we asked Anthony to take care of it. He called out to people upstairs in konkani. We were waiting in the lobby for our room to be cleaned,tired and weary and wanting to throw our bags and hit the bed. I could hear footsteps, typically of a person coming closer to you. A lady was 'descending' down from the wooden stair case. First I could see her heels, then her knee length skirt and then....Cheenu nudged me with his foot. Typical of us guys, i'll tell you. So there she was...'descending' upon us...saw her heels, her legs, the waist and whoah! the face! She was the prettiest banty* ( pronounced as bunty) we had seen. Speak about love at first sight. Now you see why I speak about Anthony as a God sent gift?
Most of you must have visited Goa and your Goa tales might be far more adventurous than this but we have seen Nina so...go stick a L on your foreheads.
And there are some who have not been to Goa yet //cuts a giant L from the newspaper// here..this is for you, stick it on whatever you like.
So..there stood Nina in front of us. Nina was Anthony's wife. Believe me, she was more beautiful than all those topless white chicks on the beaches. Mesmerised, all three of us, all at once. But all good things come to an end you know. Another set of descending crashing foot steps but this time it was Bruno. I don't know what his real name was, but I thought 'Bruno' would be an apt name for a human bulldog. He was topless too. With a hairy back and black shorts. Black shorts only. He spoke with a slur and had a beard too. His tongue was out of his mouth while he spoke. ith that being said, i would like to add, although Bruno looked like Bruno, he was a thorough gentleman.
Bruno and Nina cleaned our rooms. Beauty and the beast. With our eyes fixated on Nina.
I don't understand what is it with firangs and their fascination with Indian cows. They take photos of their ladies feeding the cows. They take photos of an electrician on the pole. They take photos of municipality workers fixing tiles on the foothpaths. They also have drunken sex on the beach right next to the place we were sitting, corrupting our young little minds.
"Staying on the beach in the night is illegal", said one gentleman. Buhh. So..we kept wandering about and stayed on the beach. In the morning on the same day, Banda had his hind on the wooden massage beds cum chair that these firangs use and was made to get up since 100 Rs/hour were to be paid to use them. It was a full moon night with gentle breeze and it couldn't be more romantic, especially with the light from the lighthouse on the Aguada fort falling on us after regular intervals . Only, I was stuck with these two jackasses instead of some one special.
Anyway, Banda was so happy about getting to use those chairs for free in the night that he could have written it in 10 foot big letters on wet sand and could have made a figure of a mooning Bruno.
It got so bloody cold in the night that Banda pulled my hand over himself like a blanket to keep himself warm. A sleepy mind wanted to twist his arm and yell out "go bury yourself in the sand to keep yourself warm, you faggot!", but the sleepy minded decided to be nice and just put his hand back to where it was originally.
I could go on. Someday later.
For now, an evil Monday awaits. Buhh.
For the uneducated,
* Banty = babe+aunty
also, if you wish to expand your knowledge,
BHBB. ( pronounced as bhabha)
= Badi Hoke Babe Banegi.
So there we were, desperately looking for a room at 8pm and you would know, the public transport in Goa closes down at 7.30 and taxi drivers charge you ridiculous amounts. And then started another Banda v/s Cheenu arguments about if we should run to Mhapse instead and i prayed for something good to happen in the midst of all this...and it did. A bearded middle aged man appeared out of nowhere. I thought, if Jesus was about 40 and he would have started to lose hair on his head, he would have looked exactly like him! His name was Anthony Gonzalvez.
Ok...so it was not. I would have liked if it was though. He was Anthony D'souza and he took us to his Roop Mahal, Prem Gali, Kholi no. chaar sau bees. Kholi number char sau bees was situated on top of a small hillock which oversaw the Mandavi and the base of which was situated a gaonthan. The room was small and had lemon yellow walls with roof made of layers of broken pots. ('Thatched with broken pots'...or something like that). The room needed cleaning and we asked Anthony to do it. Anthony had a cottage, he stays with his family on the upper floor while he used the rooms below as rooms for a lodge.
Our room needed cleaning and we asked Anthony to take care of it. He called out to people upstairs in konkani. We were waiting in the lobby for our room to be cleaned,tired and weary and wanting to throw our bags and hit the bed. I could hear footsteps, typically of a person coming closer to you. A lady was 'descending' down from the wooden stair case. First I could see her heels, then her knee length skirt and then....Cheenu nudged me with his foot. Typical of us guys, i'll tell you. So there she was...'descending' upon us...saw her heels, her legs, the waist and whoah! the face! She was the prettiest banty* ( pronounced as bunty) we had seen. Speak about love at first sight. Now you see why I speak about Anthony as a God sent gift?
Most of you must have visited Goa and your Goa tales might be far more adventurous than this but we have seen Nina so...go stick a L on your foreheads.
And there are some who have not been to Goa yet //cuts a giant L from the newspaper// here..this is for you, stick it on whatever you like.
So..there stood Nina in front of us. Nina was Anthony's wife. Believe me, she was more beautiful than all those topless white chicks on the beaches. Mesmerised, all three of us, all at once. But all good things come to an end you know. Another set of descending crashing foot steps but this time it was Bruno. I don't know what his real name was, but I thought 'Bruno' would be an apt name for a human bulldog. He was topless too. With a hairy back and black shorts. Black shorts only. He spoke with a slur and had a beard too. His tongue was out of his mouth while he spoke. ith that being said, i would like to add, although Bruno looked like Bruno, he was a thorough gentleman.
Bruno and Nina cleaned our rooms. Beauty and the beast. With our eyes fixated on Nina.
I don't understand what is it with firangs and their fascination with Indian cows. They take photos of their ladies feeding the cows. They take photos of an electrician on the pole. They take photos of municipality workers fixing tiles on the foothpaths. They also have drunken sex on the beach right next to the place we were sitting, corrupting our young little minds.
"Staying on the beach in the night is illegal", said one gentleman. Buhh. So..we kept wandering about and stayed on the beach. In the morning on the same day, Banda had his hind on the wooden massage beds cum chair that these firangs use and was made to get up since 100 Rs/hour were to be paid to use them. It was a full moon night with gentle breeze and it couldn't be more romantic, especially with the light from the lighthouse on the Aguada fort falling on us after regular intervals . Only, I was stuck with these two jackasses instead of some one special.
Anyway, Banda was so happy about getting to use those chairs for free in the night that he could have written it in 10 foot big letters on wet sand and could have made a figure of a mooning Bruno.
It got so bloody cold in the night that Banda pulled my hand over himself like a blanket to keep himself warm. A sleepy mind wanted to twist his arm and yell out "go bury yourself in the sand to keep yourself warm, you faggot!", but the sleepy minded decided to be nice and just put his hand back to where it was originally.
I could go on. Someday later.
For now, an evil Monday awaits. Buhh.
For the uneducated,
* Banty = babe+aunty
also, if you wish to expand your knowledge,
BHBB. ( pronounced as bhabha)
= Badi Hoke Babe Banegi.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Kill the pretty girl
There are some days (especially evil Mondays) when I wake up late and rush out of the house and need to take a rickshaw to the bus stop. Just as I stepped outside the building gate, i saw this dame standing some 10 feet away from me. Hard luck, ogling time at pretty girl, when in hurry is extremely less. Buhh. Having a rickshaw stand just outside the house always helps, but like Mr.Murphy said, you never get autos when you need them the most. ( Mr. Murphy did not exactly say that). After looking for 4 precious minutes for the rickshaw, you finally see an empty rickshaw passing by and I call out to it.
"AUTOOOO, pucccpphhhkk pucccpphhhhk!"
(puucpphhhk = is the sound which one makes when he is calling for attention and believe me,auto drivers wont acknowledge your presence unless you call out to them like that. People staying in Mumbai would exactly know what that sound is).The gentleman decided to slow down his three wheeler for me but suddenly decided to whiz past to halt 10 feet away to lend his chivalrous services to the pretty girl. I reach office late. DIE PRETTY GIRL!
Conductors in buses are fussy about change. I paid him 10 for a 8 Rs ticket and the gentleman did not have change. In the middle of a bus, so congested with people that i could not move even my shoe lace, i had to dig all three pant pockets i had to excavate coins to give him another 3 Rs so that he could give me back a 5 rupee coin. People around you are not quite ok with the idea of excavation and they tend to give you ugly looks if your hand unintentionlly touches their shirt or bag. Gentleman conductor decides to move a step ahead to ask pretty girl where she is going. Pretty girl is one of THOSE smart asses and hands him over a note of a big denomination. This time, gentleman starts digging his small side brown bag for change. Not much in there. Excavates his pockets, dig dig DIG...and the exact change is yet to be given back. Now, he decides to pay her with her own money, pulls out his wallet and opens the small pocket in it. He turns it upside down and squeeze dries it till he manages to give the pretty girl the balance amount. Hmm. DIE PRETTY GIRL!
Pretty girl and pretty girl's brother wanted to watch a movie. They did not have change. Pretty girl's brother, the gentleman that he is, decides to not let the lady do the hardwork and goes to a shop asking for change. Nyeh ehh. They dont give him any. Poor boy comes back. Pretty girl decides to show who wears the pants in the house and asks for change at the same place. The gentlemen at the shop pooled in money so that pretty girl could get change. Hmm. DIE PRETTY GIRL!
Early morning in Hyderabada and the hotel has complimentary breakfast. Woo hoo! Pretty girl asked for an extra cup of coffee and she got two men attending to her needs, one of them driveling coffee into her cup as he was pouring wine into it and the other with sugar cubes politely asking how many cubes she wanted and also telling her about unasked for travel gyaan in Hyderabada. I asked for an extra cup of coffee and I get a grumpy look from the waiter suggesting "Just because it is free that does not mean you ask for extra stuff and hog, stupid cheapstake!"Sugar? "Er..hello..suggg ...ahh?" No waiter gave me any sugar! Forget travel gyaan! DIE PRETTY GIRL! DROWN IN YOUR CUP!
Auto drivers in Hyderabada do not respond to pphhhllbcck. And like auto drivers world wide, they cut each other's path and make sure to stop their vehicles next to each other at signals.
Driver 1 to 2 : "Tumko problem aata?"
2 to 1 : "Kaise nahi aata !!!"
1 to 2 : "aaAAA???"
2 to 1 : "AAAA!!"
They keep aaa-ing at each other till the green signal comes on and then they live happily ever after.
"AUTOOOO, pucccpphhhkk pucccpphhhhk!"
(puucpphhhk = is the sound which one makes when he is calling for attention and believe me,auto drivers wont acknowledge your presence unless you call out to them like that. People staying in Mumbai would exactly know what that sound is).The gentleman decided to slow down his three wheeler for me but suddenly decided to whiz past to halt 10 feet away to lend his chivalrous services to the pretty girl. I reach office late. DIE PRETTY GIRL!
Conductors in buses are fussy about change. I paid him 10 for a 8 Rs ticket and the gentleman did not have change. In the middle of a bus, so congested with people that i could not move even my shoe lace, i had to dig all three pant pockets i had to excavate coins to give him another 3 Rs so that he could give me back a 5 rupee coin. People around you are not quite ok with the idea of excavation and they tend to give you ugly looks if your hand unintentionlly touches their shirt or bag. Gentleman conductor decides to move a step ahead to ask pretty girl where she is going. Pretty girl is one of THOSE smart asses and hands him over a note of a big denomination. This time, gentleman starts digging his small side brown bag for change. Not much in there. Excavates his pockets, dig dig DIG...and the exact change is yet to be given back. Now, he decides to pay her with her own money, pulls out his wallet and opens the small pocket in it. He turns it upside down and squeeze dries it till he manages to give the pretty girl the balance amount. Hmm. DIE PRETTY GIRL!
Pretty girl and pretty girl's brother wanted to watch a movie. They did not have change. Pretty girl's brother, the gentleman that he is, decides to not let the lady do the hardwork and goes to a shop asking for change. Nyeh ehh. They dont give him any. Poor boy comes back. Pretty girl decides to show who wears the pants in the house and asks for change at the same place. The gentlemen at the shop pooled in money so that pretty girl could get change. Hmm. DIE PRETTY GIRL!
Early morning in Hyderabada and the hotel has complimentary breakfast. Woo hoo! Pretty girl asked for an extra cup of coffee and she got two men attending to her needs, one of them driveling coffee into her cup as he was pouring wine into it and the other with sugar cubes politely asking how many cubes she wanted and also telling her about unasked for travel gyaan in Hyderabada. I asked for an extra cup of coffee and I get a grumpy look from the waiter suggesting "Just because it is free that does not mean you ask for extra stuff and hog, stupid cheapstake!"Sugar? "Er..hello..suggg ...ahh?" No waiter gave me any sugar! Forget travel gyaan! DIE PRETTY GIRL! DROWN IN YOUR CUP!
Auto drivers in Hyderabada do not respond to pphhhllbcck. And like auto drivers world wide, they cut each other's path and make sure to stop their vehicles next to each other at signals.
Driver 1 to 2 : "Tumko problem aata?"
2 to 1 : "Kaise nahi aata !!!"
1 to 2 : "aaAAA???"
2 to 1 : "AAAA!!"
They keep aaa-ing at each other till the green signal comes on and then they live happily ever after.
Friday, November 10, 2006
When men talk
Men often complain about women bitching and gossiping. What is little known is that some men do it too. The reason behind men not caught gossiping is because they choose specific locations to do it.
Location 1: At the barber's shop.
This is the place to hear the best gossip in town. You will get to know whose sister has got a 'lafda' with with which boy, the boy's family history and also the boy's real intention. Between all this, you will find an oh so cool dude with two buttons on the shirt left open and a faded jeans, so loose that it could drop down any second with please see my genuine jockey look walk in,pick up the water sprayer and spray some water on his hair. Then he will take a comb and do something to his hair , something about which i am not exactly sure about since his hair looks worse than what it did when he had come in. I dont know what it is about us men ; most of us tend to make our eyebrows go in a V shape while we comb. He adds more condiments to the gossipy curry in his short stint. By this time, the barber takes out his 'machine' for the head massage and then there comes an instance when the machine is moving over your shoulder and he is right in front of you, looking straight into your eye. "Ughh...// (uncomfortable, hey i am not gay!) smile// and the cutter and cut-ist look away wanting the whole thing to end and run away somewhere.
Location 2: The swimming pool
Fat uncles bragging about their children is the common trend. Reassuring oneself of how swimming is an all round exercise and better than running and gymming which they can't do.
Dont be surprised if you get access to an organisation's well kept strategic secrets while you are trying hard to achieve your 5th lap of back stroke. This is a place where really bad jokes come out as frequently as the gas out of their bodies. One will find custom made swimming styles and extremely heavy heaves and puffs. Their lap speeds suddenly increase when a girl would enter/sit by the pool. They start competing against each other. The frequency of bad jokes increases and they even laugh out loud to their own jokes and one really feels like giving himself a watery grave.
Location 3 : The loo
Ever since Michael Carleone visited the loo to get the pistol before he avenged his father's death, the loo has been a hot spot for male conversation. Some of us say a hi to each other and exchange a few good words about our lives, when one is standing and is at it and while the other is entering. They, pee, or so i think, for a really long time while they exchange information about their departments in office/college . Some of them have a habit of ducking and zipping it back on...dont ask me why, i do not know why. While washing hands, there HAS to be a hair setting session too. Not to forget the eyebrows in a V and moving the face slightly to the left, right, upwards and in all possible ways the face can move. Also, the changing rooms/dressing rooms/shower rooms.
Some of us will talk to each other, to the extent shout across the wall if the voice can't be heard because of the water coming from the shower.
A little about women. I would suggest get those cell phones which are so so dear to you surgically stitched to your ears.
I would also strongly recommend using rubber or foam covering on kitchen counters. I do not understand what is it about them and the utensil noises that keep continuously out of the kitchen. Tidding tinngn taaaaanggg.
There is an ocassional falling of a plate which keeps on moving in an oblique ellipse on the floor. Tadddrrrrrr tadddrrrr taddrrr tadrrr taddrr tarr...PICK IT UP! STOP THAT NOISE DAMN IT! BUT NO, THEY WONT!
Location 1: At the barber's shop.
This is the place to hear the best gossip in town. You will get to know whose sister has got a 'lafda' with with which boy, the boy's family history and also the boy's real intention. Between all this, you will find an oh so cool dude with two buttons on the shirt left open and a faded jeans, so loose that it could drop down any second with please see my genuine jockey look walk in,pick up the water sprayer and spray some water on his hair. Then he will take a comb and do something to his hair , something about which i am not exactly sure about since his hair looks worse than what it did when he had come in. I dont know what it is about us men ; most of us tend to make our eyebrows go in a V shape while we comb. He adds more condiments to the gossipy curry in his short stint. By this time, the barber takes out his 'machine' for the head massage and then there comes an instance when the machine is moving over your shoulder and he is right in front of you, looking straight into your eye. "Ughh...// (uncomfortable, hey i am not gay!) smile// and the cutter and cut-ist look away wanting the whole thing to end and run away somewhere.
Location 2: The swimming pool
Fat uncles bragging about their children is the common trend. Reassuring oneself of how swimming is an all round exercise and better than running and gymming which they can't do.
Dont be surprised if you get access to an organisation's well kept strategic secrets while you are trying hard to achieve your 5th lap of back stroke. This is a place where really bad jokes come out as frequently as the gas out of their bodies. One will find custom made swimming styles and extremely heavy heaves and puffs. Their lap speeds suddenly increase when a girl would enter/sit by the pool. They start competing against each other. The frequency of bad jokes increases and they even laugh out loud to their own jokes and one really feels like giving himself a watery grave.
Location 3 : The loo
Ever since Michael Carleone visited the loo to get the pistol before he avenged his father's death, the loo has been a hot spot for male conversation. Some of us say a hi to each other and exchange a few good words about our lives, when one is standing and is at it and while the other is entering. They, pee, or so i think, for a really long time while they exchange information about their departments in office/college . Some of them have a habit of ducking and zipping it back on...dont ask me why, i do not know why. While washing hands, there HAS to be a hair setting session too. Not to forget the eyebrows in a V and moving the face slightly to the left, right, upwards and in all possible ways the face can move. Also, the changing rooms/dressing rooms/shower rooms.
Some of us will talk to each other, to the extent shout across the wall if the voice can't be heard because of the water coming from the shower.
A little about women. I would suggest get those cell phones which are so so dear to you surgically stitched to your ears.
I would also strongly recommend using rubber or foam covering on kitchen counters. I do not understand what is it about them and the utensil noises that keep continuously out of the kitchen. Tidding tinngn taaaaanggg.
There is an ocassional falling of a plate which keeps on moving in an oblique ellipse on the floor. Tadddrrrrrr tadddrrrr taddrrr tadrrr taddrr tarr...PICK IT UP! STOP THAT NOISE DAMN IT! BUT NO, THEY WONT!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Almost a month of " i have to go to office" now. It is interesting to watch people and how they work. The choice of music is often closely related to their way of working. As I went from the top level to the bottom level of the organisational pyramid, I found music being used as an effective tool to support working. At the bottom , where the work is repetitive, so are the songs.
Secure the workpiece-assemble-hammer-test-secure-assemble-hammer-test. To go along with this is a song in which particular lyrics, tunes and rythms are attached to every component that goes in the assembly.Suddenly you find the robot in the gray apron stopping for a while and opening the things he has assembled. You ask him why is doing it and he will tell you he missed two lines of the song.
"SO?!"
"Oh, (Sheepish smile), those are for the dowel pins, forgot to put them in...hehe."
Talk about relating oneself to music! Also, the nuances in their notes and pitches are indicative of the orientation of the parts in their assembly.His audience are his pumps that he makes and he moves them into their 'pram' which will be moved in for painting.New pump, different song.
While in the office above, I unintentionally made a woman blush.
"I have done integrated diploma, i am also relatively new here, just been 4 months."
"So, you too passed out this year only?"
"Gnaaauuwww, //blush blush// its been 10 years!"
Buhh.Stop it woman! I just linked up events in an incorrect way!
As I scroll down the organistaional pyramid, I see their level of imagination being inveresely proportional to their education. I guess that's one bad thing education does, greater the knowledge, more limited is the imagination. When one does'nt know the science behind things, he is free to imagine how things work or might work and makes you creative about it.
The same would apply to the 3 -7 year old kids who play in the compound. They play 'Ganpati Ganpati'. They go around on their cycles shouting Ganpati Bappa Morya, have a small indegenously made puja and they dance too! I bet they would'nt have done all this if they were imparted gyaan on life at this age. Sometimes, it is just good to not know everything. (And I am not supporting the ignorance is bliss theory, go eat your toe if you thought I was!)
Anyway, after broken promises and being thrown a potato at, I have decided to do the tag. People who comment are requested to do it.
I am thinking about :
how much more time?
I said :
Good for you man.
I want to :
go to this place whose name I forgot, it’s a 17km trek upwards from Gangotri.
I wish :
I was granted another 32874 wishes. Ofcourse, the 32874th wish would be to be granted another 658925 wishes.
I miss :
my third last bench.
I hear:
you.
I wonder :
What would have happened to the world if the wheel was not invented.
I regret :
Not attending the short service commison interview.
I am... :
actually a sofa who doesn’t move around who tries to convince himself he is human.
I dance:
like a walking product of radioactive waste arising from the Pacific ocean who is destroying the city. Blame the Soviets.
I sing :
when I am hanging by the train’s door.
I cry :
- ied when the elephant in Haathi Mere Saathi dies in the end, also, when India lost to Australia in Mumbai in ’96.
I am not always:
eating.Really!
I write :
When there is no one online and I could die of boredom.
I confuse:
-d the examiners during my vivas.
I need :
to castrate all he-mosquitoes.
I should try ....:
not blaming the Soviets.
I finish :
me spinach, pooo pooooo
Secure the workpiece-assemble-hammer-test-secure-assemble-hammer-test. To go along with this is a song in which particular lyrics, tunes and rythms are attached to every component that goes in the assembly.Suddenly you find the robot in the gray apron stopping for a while and opening the things he has assembled. You ask him why is doing it and he will tell you he missed two lines of the song.
"SO?!"
"Oh, (Sheepish smile), those are for the dowel pins, forgot to put them in...hehe."
Talk about relating oneself to music! Also, the nuances in their notes and pitches are indicative of the orientation of the parts in their assembly.His audience are his pumps that he makes and he moves them into their 'pram' which will be moved in for painting.New pump, different song.
While in the office above, I unintentionally made a woman blush.
"I have done integrated diploma, i am also relatively new here, just been 4 months."
"So, you too passed out this year only?"
"Gnaaauuwww, //blush blush// its been 10 years!"
Buhh.Stop it woman! I just linked up events in an incorrect way!
As I scroll down the organistaional pyramid, I see their level of imagination being inveresely proportional to their education. I guess that's one bad thing education does, greater the knowledge, more limited is the imagination. When one does'nt know the science behind things, he is free to imagine how things work or might work and makes you creative about it.
The same would apply to the 3 -7 year old kids who play in the compound. They play 'Ganpati Ganpati'. They go around on their cycles shouting Ganpati Bappa Morya, have a small indegenously made puja and they dance too! I bet they would'nt have done all this if they were imparted gyaan on life at this age. Sometimes, it is just good to not know everything. (And I am not supporting the ignorance is bliss theory, go eat your toe if you thought I was!)
Anyway, after broken promises and being thrown a potato at, I have decided to do the tag. People who comment are requested to do it.
I am thinking about :
how much more time?
I said :
Good for you man.
I want to :
go to this place whose name I forgot, it’s a 17km trek upwards from Gangotri.
I wish :
I was granted another 32874 wishes. Ofcourse, the 32874th wish would be to be granted another 658925 wishes.
I miss :
my third last bench.
I hear:
you.
I wonder :
What would have happened to the world if the wheel was not invented.
I regret :
Not attending the short service commison interview.
I am... :
actually a sofa who doesn’t move around who tries to convince himself he is human.
I dance:
like a walking product of radioactive waste arising from the Pacific ocean who is destroying the city. Blame the Soviets.
I sing :
when I am hanging by the train’s door.
I cry :
- ied when the elephant in Haathi Mere Saathi dies in the end, also, when India lost to Australia in Mumbai in ’96.
I am not always:
eating.Really!
I write :
When there is no one online and I could die of boredom.
I confuse:
-d the examiners during my vivas.
I need :
to castrate all he-mosquitoes.
I should try ....:
not blaming the Soviets.
I finish :
me spinach, pooo pooooo
Saturday, October 07, 2006
We the people
If you watch the documantaries on India on NGC or Discovery, you would know that they often start with a line saying " It is often said that India is not just a country but a continent in some way". This,owing to the culture that changes every 50 kms. People often seem similar,they claim they are not.Take the following for examples...
VErma v/s VArma, PandeY v/sPande
Commonly known as : Bhaiyya
You replace the E with an A or forget the write the letter Y and they look at you as if you are asking them permission to sleep with their wives.
Common traits : absolute hindi speaking people, will stick to polite hindi while abusing too,
e.g: aapke maa ki ____ ( No prizes to be won for filling the blank with creatively,buhh).
Oh and there is another variety of varmas from the south as well!
Mumbaikars v/s the Punekars
Commonly known as : Ghatis
You will often find the former telling the latter how just a stretch of marine drive kicks M.G.Road arse and the latter often complains "tumchi mumbai kiti garam aahe, kiti ghaam yeto!"
Translation : how hot is your mumbai, we sweat so much!
Buhh, if its closer to the sea, if you don't expect sweat, do you expect bloody nectar to trickle down from your brows!
common traits : Merge marathi words into hindi language which eventually get absorbed under the bambaiyya which is considered cool .
Parsis v/s Iranis
Commonly known as : bawas
The Iranis will take strong exception on being called a bawa. Kasti kasam they might end up making a face if you don't understand the difference, which you won't even after years of knowing them. It seems that the zoroastrians had come down from Iran and settled down in kutch and asked permission from the king. The king in return sent a spoon filled with milk which meant "bawa ji, house full, aiya nathi settle karvanu!". In return, the wise old man in their group
dissolved sugar in that spoonfull of milk which meant that they will mingle with the people and stay with them. Obviously two sugars had gone in, one parsi and the other irani sugar! D'OH!
Idiosyncratic Iyers v/s their Nemesis Nairs
Commonly known as : Madrasis
The former is clannish and doesn't like it when you call them lungis which the latter wears. Veshti is their thing to wear! It all comes down to parabola(with a red vertical line between it) on the forehead v/s the horizontal thick line of chandan on the forehead.The dravidian soul wakes up when you club them as 'madrasis' .
I will update this list some day later. For now, I am out of here // lifts lungi/veshti from the bottom and tucks it in and around the waist// Poite Varien!
VErma v/s VArma, PandeY v/sPande
Commonly known as : Bhaiyya
You replace the E with an A or forget the write the letter Y and they look at you as if you are asking them permission to sleep with their wives.
Common traits : absolute hindi speaking people, will stick to polite hindi while abusing too,
e.g: aapke maa ki ____ ( No prizes to be won for filling the blank with creatively,buhh).
Oh and there is another variety of varmas from the south as well!
Mumbaikars v/s the Punekars
Commonly known as : Ghatis
You will often find the former telling the latter how just a stretch of marine drive kicks M.G.Road arse and the latter often complains "tumchi mumbai kiti garam aahe, kiti ghaam yeto!"
Translation : how hot is your mumbai, we sweat so much!
Buhh, if its closer to the sea, if you don't expect sweat, do you expect bloody nectar to trickle down from your brows!
common traits : Merge marathi words into hindi language which eventually get absorbed under the bambaiyya which is considered cool .
Parsis v/s Iranis
Commonly known as : bawas
The Iranis will take strong exception on being called a bawa. Kasti kasam they might end up making a face if you don't understand the difference, which you won't even after years of knowing them. It seems that the zoroastrians had come down from Iran and settled down in kutch and asked permission from the king. The king in return sent a spoon filled with milk which meant "bawa ji, house full, aiya nathi settle karvanu!". In return, the wise old man in their group
dissolved sugar in that spoonfull of milk which meant that they will mingle with the people and stay with them. Obviously two sugars had gone in, one parsi and the other irani sugar! D'OH!
Idiosyncratic Iyers v/s their Nemesis Nairs
Commonly known as : Madrasis
The former is clannish and doesn't like it when you call them lungis which the latter wears. Veshti is their thing to wear! It all comes down to parabola(with a red vertical line between it) on the forehead v/s the horizontal thick line of chandan on the forehead.The dravidian soul wakes up when you club them as 'madrasis' .
I will update this list some day later. For now, I am out of here // lifts lungi/veshti from the bottom and tucks it in and around the waist// Poite Varien!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Pinky Nagpal
Delhi Radio is extremely repugnable. They play miiiiitwwwaaaaaa atleast 11 times in a day. And they have a 'traffic reporter' named Pritampura/Pathpadhgunj ki Pinky Nagpal. I dont know if this woman travels to different parts of the city to report traffic or is it that the radio station is so dumb that it cannot think of names of actual people who might do it and keep repeating pinky nagpal thinking that people would concentrate on the 10km/hr from janpath to safdarjung's tomb and not notice this name again? Either way, it confuses me, does this lady get paid by radio mirchi to get stuck up in traffic at different locations everyday and pointing out speed radars to measure the flow of traffic?( I dont mind getting paid for doing that!) Or is just that radio station people in delhi are destitute of creativity that they cant find good and genuine names? D'oh!
We live in a time of pseudo seculars and pseudo philantrophists. Abu Salem gets offered a ticket to contest elections in UP. Lets see, Kofi Annan is about to step down, kill Tharoor, let Osama have his post. And I hear people on news channels saying the memons are being framed because they are muslims. How does it matter if he is a tiger memon, menon, singh or fernandes! Hang the pussy and his clutter!
I dont understand people.
Instance #1 : I once helped an old man who seemed to be blind to get off the bus and go to haji ali. He bumped into people and got ugly looks and a earful for it. I felt how incredibly stupid those people were who could'nt see that the old man was blind, but it was only later that i realised that the timeless hero was bumping into women only!
Instance #2: Middle aged man accosting me, dressed neatly and not looking poor, claiming to have been kicked out of the house, telling me he is homeless and blah and "please son, i stand in front of the house of god, give me money" blaah. Remebering instance 1, i decide to just walk by and then realise he is accompanied by an old lady . The nice me decides to be nice and give him some money and then the nice me sees the big bottle of whiskey in his bag.Dont know how many more he would buy from contributions from gullible fools like me.Buhh.
English is a funny language and i am not talking about if g-o is go then why isnt t-o toe.
1. Words mean exactly the opposite of what they seem to be
restive : it describes a condition of being anything but at rest!
2. Words sound similar, but mean a hell lot different.
vindicate,vindictive
Why make such words! Stupid bulldogs!
3. Sigh.They have a word for such innocent mistakes too. Howler.
4. They conviniently make people whom they dont like into words e.g. Quisling, gerrymander,philistine etc.
Lets make words too.
Dyer: To massacre
"Arre, i got totally dyered in the vivas man!"
Lampard : To endlessly miss your goal(pun intended..twahah!)
"He is 40 and still lamparding in life ."
harrywindsor : To grope
"Karan Johar and Manish Malhotra were seen harrywindsoring each other in the party."
pnagpal : (Mind the pronounciation, the P is silent) Idiot.
"Hahaha! You are such a dumb pnagpal!"
We live in a time of pseudo seculars and pseudo philantrophists. Abu Salem gets offered a ticket to contest elections in UP. Lets see, Kofi Annan is about to step down, kill Tharoor, let Osama have his post. And I hear people on news channels saying the memons are being framed because they are muslims. How does it matter if he is a tiger memon, menon, singh or fernandes! Hang the pussy and his clutter!
I dont understand people.
Instance #1 : I once helped an old man who seemed to be blind to get off the bus and go to haji ali. He bumped into people and got ugly looks and a earful for it. I felt how incredibly stupid those people were who could'nt see that the old man was blind, but it was only later that i realised that the timeless hero was bumping into women only!
Instance #2: Middle aged man accosting me, dressed neatly and not looking poor, claiming to have been kicked out of the house, telling me he is homeless and blah and "please son, i stand in front of the house of god, give me money" blaah. Remebering instance 1, i decide to just walk by and then realise he is accompanied by an old lady . The nice me decides to be nice and give him some money and then the nice me sees the big bottle of whiskey in his bag.Dont know how many more he would buy from contributions from gullible fools like me.Buhh.
English is a funny language and i am not talking about if g-o is go then why isnt t-o toe.
1. Words mean exactly the opposite of what they seem to be
restive : it describes a condition of being anything but at rest!
2. Words sound similar, but mean a hell lot different.
vindicate,vindictive
Why make such words! Stupid bulldogs!
3. Sigh.They have a word for such innocent mistakes too. Howler.
4. They conviniently make people whom they dont like into words e.g. Quisling, gerrymander,philistine etc.
Lets make words too.
Dyer: To massacre
"Arre, i got totally dyered in the vivas man!"
Lampard : To endlessly miss your goal(pun intended..twahah!)
"He is 40 and still lamparding in life ."
harrywindsor : To grope
"Karan Johar and Manish Malhotra were seen harrywindsoring each other in the party."
pnagpal : (Mind the pronounciation, the P is silent) Idiot.
"Hahaha! You are such a dumb pnagpal!"
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Ganesha Says
"The stars can tell." Not very long ago, some gentleman proposed there was a 10th planet and now yesterday they plan to add another few.What worries me more than the dilemma school going children are going to face more,since now their very educated mother is just not going to show them nine planets, is the influence of all these planets on astrology. If you get the Mumbai edition of the Times of India, you would know the entire bunch is some good 15 cms broad consisting of the main paper, Mumbai Mirror,Bombay Times, DNA,DNA after hours, Education Times(2-3times a week), Property times, This times that times and buhh times. I have a habit of reading the paper backwards,from page 30 to 1 and reading the forecasts is one of morning things to do. Its always good to hope.99/100 days these forecasts are contradictory, if BT and Mirror say i will be having a good day, DNA doesnt.
Anyway, so a few weeks back, all of them said i was going to have a good day! woo hoo! So I open my mailbox expecting a few mails.Not there.Then,when i get up from the chair I drop my phone, which for some weird reason was on my lap instead of the usual pocket. This happens twice in the day. Know how the frame comes to a halt and things become black and white and grey and sepia with the heroines and gaping mouths in hindi movies?That's exactly what i am like when my phone falls down. I try to sit on the sofa and when im just an inch away from being called "completely seated down" the door bell rings.Courier.Trying to sit down attempt #2,this time i am a quarter inch away, the phone rings.Wrong number.Determined to do what the world is not letting me do, i go flat on my sofa.The door bell again. Moher Fuhherrr!
As if this wasn't enough, i open the mailbox again, send out a few mails. Releaved that this work is done, i stretch back and I suddenly find myself sitting on the floor.It happened so quick that my in-transit memory of being in the chair to having a piece of plastic in my hand is as good as null.The chair i was sitting on broke.High time I start working out.
All this, when they said I would have a good day, all of them, on the same day too.tch.
I will sue these planets some day.Nuckin Futs!
Indepenedence day fuss.The younger got elected as the headboy of his school/jr. college. They have an investiture ceremony. To get things right, the younger explains to me how and where he would like to be photographed while marching.Camera friendly younger. He draws a plan of the school quadrangle. He is the cross and i am the small incospicuous circle (it was actually just a dot) , when the cross moves forward and backward the dot is supposed to move to the left and right.A saviour phone call and I think the worst is over. I come back to see the cross has become an actual person! Photographs of his 9th std. investiture ceremony, the faults in the photos are pointed out to me and asked not to be repeated.Yes sire.The angles from which he is to be shot are explained in the photos.Wait, the worst is still not over.
"I'll have a mug of warm milk before sleeping"
"WHY!???"
"To keep the throat clear, you see. I have to shout out commands tomorrow"
Help me raise money to send all the youngers on this planet to be sent to a concentration camp.
As much i cherish watching the republic day parade i love to avoid the banal belaboring banter from the red fort. No wait, the worst is still not over. After calling Bhagat Singh a terrorist, now they call Tilak,Bipinchandra Pal and Ashfaqulla Khan terrorists. Don't be surprised if after a 100 years your grandchildren read that a group of terrorists were lathi charged at the governor's bungalow in Mumbai and they went on hunger strike in Delhi.
I left out a little on my last post. Chote. He went against his family's wishes. A pigeon once laid two eggs in his balcony. He was asked to get rid of them. But the pious boy Chote is, he took good care of them. He got hay for them from some place and cushioned them in it, also to provide them warmth. He made sure the mother pigeon would get a little to eat everyday.He kept the surroundings clean( eventhough his room was a mess and you could often find his undergarments right next to his keyboard).From that day onwards, Chote got an appellation "Do ando ka baap".
And now i sit on a wooden stool as a precautionary measure.
Anyway, so a few weeks back, all of them said i was going to have a good day! woo hoo! So I open my mailbox expecting a few mails.Not there.Then,when i get up from the chair I drop my phone, which for some weird reason was on my lap instead of the usual pocket. This happens twice in the day. Know how the frame comes to a halt and things become black and white and grey and sepia with the heroines and gaping mouths in hindi movies?That's exactly what i am like when my phone falls down. I try to sit on the sofa and when im just an inch away from being called "completely seated down" the door bell rings.Courier.Trying to sit down attempt #2,this time i am a quarter inch away, the phone rings.Wrong number.Determined to do what the world is not letting me do, i go flat on my sofa.The door bell again. Moher Fuhherrr!
As if this wasn't enough, i open the mailbox again, send out a few mails. Releaved that this work is done, i stretch back and I suddenly find myself sitting on the floor.It happened so quick that my in-transit memory of being in the chair to having a piece of plastic in my hand is as good as null.The chair i was sitting on broke.High time I start working out.
All this, when they said I would have a good day, all of them, on the same day too.tch.
I will sue these planets some day.Nuckin Futs!
Indepenedence day fuss.The younger got elected as the headboy of his school/jr. college. They have an investiture ceremony. To get things right, the younger explains to me how and where he would like to be photographed while marching.Camera friendly younger. He draws a plan of the school quadrangle. He is the cross and i am the small incospicuous circle (it was actually just a dot) , when the cross moves forward and backward the dot is supposed to move to the left and right.A saviour phone call and I think the worst is over. I come back to see the cross has become an actual person! Photographs of his 9th std. investiture ceremony, the faults in the photos are pointed out to me and asked not to be repeated.Yes sire.The angles from which he is to be shot are explained in the photos.Wait, the worst is still not over.
"I'll have a mug of warm milk before sleeping"
"WHY!???"
"To keep the throat clear, you see. I have to shout out commands tomorrow"
Help me raise money to send all the youngers on this planet to be sent to a concentration camp.
As much i cherish watching the republic day parade i love to avoid the banal belaboring banter from the red fort. No wait, the worst is still not over. After calling Bhagat Singh a terrorist, now they call Tilak,Bipinchandra Pal and Ashfaqulla Khan terrorists. Don't be surprised if after a 100 years your grandchildren read that a group of terrorists were lathi charged at the governor's bungalow in Mumbai and they went on hunger strike in Delhi.
I left out a little on my last post. Chote. He went against his family's wishes. A pigeon once laid two eggs in his balcony. He was asked to get rid of them. But the pious boy Chote is, he took good care of them. He got hay for them from some place and cushioned them in it, also to provide them warmth. He made sure the mother pigeon would get a little to eat everyday.He kept the surroundings clean( eventhough his room was a mess and you could often find his undergarments right next to his keyboard).From that day onwards, Chote got an appellation "Do ando ka baap".
And now i sit on a wooden stool as a precautionary measure.
Friday, July 21, 2006
My Friends
Banda: Always wanted to make a movie. Deep thinker. Will bore you to death with a movie’s story (No, he actually will!). If he is kept alone with a stranger, we have often worried about the stranger’s safety and wonder if Banda is not killing him with his verbal finesse. Superman: Krypton : : Banda : Newspaper , strangers, take notice, if you want to take Banda off your back, give him a newspaper and he will drown himself to death in it.
Maybe, someday he will accept the fact that my school kicked his rival school’s butt.
Chote: And now introducing to you, a 5.10, weighing in at 81 kgs, coming straight from the Thane ST bus…CHOTE! Except for being the youngest in his family and having a silly yahoo id proclaiming himself ‘little’ in it, there is nothing small about this fellow, not brain nor brawns. Defines the antonym of punctuality. Will teach you to “adjust rrreee!” Chote walks as if the land he is walking on is his grandfather’s property. He is also accused of having a reputation of breaking Zippos on the first day they are purchased.
Goti: “I don’t like the drugs but the drugs like me”. A genius who can break through security by hiding his beloved cigarettes in rollers of the roller scales, shoes, custom made boxes and other engineering equipment to hide his precious. Lights candles and agarbattis in front of Morrison photos. Has affinity towards older women. The security lady at BARC once discovered his underwear from the previous night’s slumber party.
Guru the Goo: Suffers from an acute Lacko Socialsensus. Will nudge you when you are talking on the phone and ask you an answer to a question you have no clue about; this, after you made this clear to him the previous day. He will do the same thing the next day. He has the honour of once getting an earful of fleas by thy motorman of a train whose seat he tried to sit on because he was late and couldn’t reach the men’s second class and by a man whose thing he grabbed while he was hanging out of the train and trying to reach the pole at the entrance of the train’s door. He did succeed in grabbing a pole.
Often called Guru da (not to be mistaken as Garuda).
Joshi: The only guy who accepts the fact that I’m in shape. Thank you Joshi, little do you realize we are in the same shape. Chickens out if asked to sing on a stage. The best bedroom and kitchen singer ever! He had knocked over our masala with his foot while we were cleaning the chicken. Since this was in a farmhouse 2 kms away from the closest sign of civilization and it was late, no one was in the mood to buy new spices required for the masala….so…the same masala went on the tandoori chicken and it ended up tasting good. Find a chick with foot fetish Joshi!
Khedekar: Once upon a time there was boy by the name of Khedekar.He never attended lectures. Once, for a change he did. And was sleeping in it. In the meanwhile, the very intelligent class was playing chalk chalk*. He woke up to drink water and Missy M threw a chalk at him, which the lecturer happened too see and assumed he must have done it first.
“Come here, who all are there in this?”
“Sir, I don’t know”
“Tell me fast, where it came from”
“Sir, from up”
(Pointing towards the ceiling) “UP? CHILD?”
-------What follows is golden history now--------------------------------
“NOO sirrr, like a projectile!”(Moves finger like a projectile).
SLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAP
Narsi: Narsi,the lion man has been regularly taking money from home for his weekend ‘class’ in Bandra with his beloved A. ( I’m so going to extort him with this if I don’t find a job soon and don’t have money). Mr. Quick Gun Murugun that he is likes to rush things and is usually the first to complete things, from assignments to finding a job to outings with girlfriends, he’s been there, done that. For more on his luuurrrvvee and check out his vibrant heart which is not updated in ages.
Pandey: Banda : Movie : : Pandey : IIT . Pandey is a true gentleman who will be remembered for accidentally giving his project guide a porn cd.Fortunately for him and unfortunately for us, the guide did not see its contents. “Saarrr, don’t opaan! Virus it has!” We had once decided to walk the entire stretch of Palm Beach road once, the project never took off due to the lack of ( I will come up with an excuse soon to fill this space). Hardcore extremist. Gets totally involved in a person when he likes being with him/her, so involved that he won’t be able to smell a farting contingent of gujjus around him. Says that he understands the string theory well. Our take on strings and ropes : very kinky, pandey, very kinky!
Shudder : Shudder the udder is one of the laziest souls you will ever come across. He beat me to that post! He resembles a South Park character. The udder with his innocent looks and efficient use of vocals may lead you to think he is so angelic that he has got wings attached at his back. Don’t get confused, he has stolen them from those Victoria secret fashion shows. Like jOshi, he is very much in shape tOO.
Suppa: His slenderness ratio (length/ width) exceeds two. You can spot this human French bean in a crowd very easily. Sources tell me he wears his sunglasses while playing basketball and tennis. The dude will jabber with you as if the world comes to and end today.Specializes at jabbering and reading at the same time. Also specialises at inventinve curse words. e.g : “tere maa ki mohite**”. A mouth that shoots funny curses, that of suppa’s. He had a concussion once. The first thing he said after becoming conscious was “Gan*u ne naak pe maara! mad*****” ….this ;in front of a constable since it was almost going to be a medico legal case.
Suzy: If guru da is yang, Suzy di is his yin.Thought wanderer. Spends most of his day observing human behaviour. If you could imagine his bike to be an animate object, she would have lodged a formal complaint against him for molestation and attempt to murder.Runs his mouth when caught up in fight on a lonely street and gets his arse kicked. Lousy jerk spills alcohol in his bag. Teaches lecturers how to measure distances with fingers instead of using scales or dividers. An artist by nature, suzy likes to listen to music and sing it aloud in the loo in his free time.Suzy also calls out to his imaginary girl friend Balvanti when he is under waterfalls.
Rao: Rao, our (green) blue eyed boy is the son of uncle Sam. While he is walking, his acid tongue will spill out venom, in the air if he doesn’t find anyone around him. And when he does finally manage to find any one around him, and tries spitting venom on them, he realizes he is so bad at spitting it he has just dropped some on himself. Clumsy bum. Dreams to convert all the dollars that he will make into many many rupees and be rich. Mr.naturally stylish . Can tell you the name of the presidents on Mt. Rushmore but won’t be able to tell where the Himalayas are….in fact, he will ask you what they are.
*chalk chalk : throwing chalk at each other, from one corner of the class to the other, coloured chalks have different points, if it hits the lecturer, u get an extra life in your game.
**mohite : a lecturer, who is our source of inspiration.
Maybe, someday he will accept the fact that my school kicked his rival school’s butt.
Chote: And now introducing to you, a 5.10, weighing in at 81 kgs, coming straight from the Thane ST bus…CHOTE! Except for being the youngest in his family and having a silly yahoo id proclaiming himself ‘little’ in it, there is nothing small about this fellow, not brain nor brawns. Defines the antonym of punctuality. Will teach you to “adjust rrreee!” Chote walks as if the land he is walking on is his grandfather’s property. He is also accused of having a reputation of breaking Zippos on the first day they are purchased.
Goti: “I don’t like the drugs but the drugs like me”. A genius who can break through security by hiding his beloved cigarettes in rollers of the roller scales, shoes, custom made boxes and other engineering equipment to hide his precious. Lights candles and agarbattis in front of Morrison photos. Has affinity towards older women. The security lady at BARC once discovered his underwear from the previous night’s slumber party.
Guru the Goo: Suffers from an acute Lacko Socialsensus. Will nudge you when you are talking on the phone and ask you an answer to a question you have no clue about; this, after you made this clear to him the previous day. He will do the same thing the next day. He has the honour of once getting an earful of fleas by thy motorman of a train whose seat he tried to sit on because he was late and couldn’t reach the men’s second class and by a man whose thing he grabbed while he was hanging out of the train and trying to reach the pole at the entrance of the train’s door. He did succeed in grabbing a pole.
Often called Guru da (not to be mistaken as Garuda).
Joshi: The only guy who accepts the fact that I’m in shape. Thank you Joshi, little do you realize we are in the same shape. Chickens out if asked to sing on a stage. The best bedroom and kitchen singer ever! He had knocked over our masala with his foot while we were cleaning the chicken. Since this was in a farmhouse 2 kms away from the closest sign of civilization and it was late, no one was in the mood to buy new spices required for the masala….so…the same masala went on the tandoori chicken and it ended up tasting good. Find a chick with foot fetish Joshi!
Khedekar: Once upon a time there was boy by the name of Khedekar.He never attended lectures. Once, for a change he did. And was sleeping in it. In the meanwhile, the very intelligent class was playing chalk chalk*. He woke up to drink water and Missy M threw a chalk at him, which the lecturer happened too see and assumed he must have done it first.
“Come here, who all are there in this?”
“Sir, I don’t know”
“Tell me fast, where it came from”
“Sir, from up”
(Pointing towards the ceiling) “UP? CHILD?”
-------What follows is golden history now--------------------------------
“NOO sirrr, like a projectile!”(Moves finger like a projectile).
SLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAP
Narsi: Narsi,the lion man has been regularly taking money from home for his weekend ‘class’ in Bandra with his beloved A. ( I’m so going to extort him with this if I don’t find a job soon and don’t have money). Mr. Quick Gun Murugun that he is likes to rush things and is usually the first to complete things, from assignments to finding a job to outings with girlfriends, he’s been there, done that. For more on his luuurrrvvee and check out his vibrant heart which is not updated in ages.
Pandey: Banda : Movie : : Pandey : IIT . Pandey is a true gentleman who will be remembered for accidentally giving his project guide a porn cd.Fortunately for him and unfortunately for us, the guide did not see its contents. “Saarrr, don’t opaan! Virus it has!” We had once decided to walk the entire stretch of Palm Beach road once, the project never took off due to the lack of ( I will come up with an excuse soon to fill this space). Hardcore extremist. Gets totally involved in a person when he likes being with him/her, so involved that he won’t be able to smell a farting contingent of gujjus around him. Says that he understands the string theory well. Our take on strings and ropes : very kinky, pandey, very kinky!
Shudder : Shudder the udder is one of the laziest souls you will ever come across. He beat me to that post! He resembles a South Park character. The udder with his innocent looks and efficient use of vocals may lead you to think he is so angelic that he has got wings attached at his back. Don’t get confused, he has stolen them from those Victoria secret fashion shows. Like jOshi, he is very much in shape tOO.
Suppa: His slenderness ratio (length/ width) exceeds two. You can spot this human French bean in a crowd very easily. Sources tell me he wears his sunglasses while playing basketball and tennis. The dude will jabber with you as if the world comes to and end today.Specializes at jabbering and reading at the same time. Also specialises at inventinve curse words. e.g : “tere maa ki mohite**”. A mouth that shoots funny curses, that of suppa’s. He had a concussion once. The first thing he said after becoming conscious was “Gan*u ne naak pe maara! mad*****” ….this ;in front of a constable since it was almost going to be a medico legal case.
Suzy: If guru da is yang, Suzy di is his yin.Thought wanderer. Spends most of his day observing human behaviour. If you could imagine his bike to be an animate object, she would have lodged a formal complaint against him for molestation and attempt to murder.Runs his mouth when caught up in fight on a lonely street and gets his arse kicked. Lousy jerk spills alcohol in his bag. Teaches lecturers how to measure distances with fingers instead of using scales or dividers. An artist by nature, suzy likes to listen to music and sing it aloud in the loo in his free time.Suzy also calls out to his imaginary girl friend Balvanti when he is under waterfalls.
Rao: Rao, our (green) blue eyed boy is the son of uncle Sam. While he is walking, his acid tongue will spill out venom, in the air if he doesn’t find anyone around him. And when he does finally manage to find any one around him, and tries spitting venom on them, he realizes he is so bad at spitting it he has just dropped some on himself. Clumsy bum. Dreams to convert all the dollars that he will make into many many rupees and be rich. Mr.naturally stylish . Can tell you the name of the presidents on Mt. Rushmore but won’t be able to tell where the Himalayas are….in fact, he will ask you what they are.
*chalk chalk : throwing chalk at each other, from one corner of the class to the other, coloured chalks have different points, if it hits the lecturer, u get an extra life in your game.
**mohite : a lecturer, who is our source of inspiration.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
"we condemn this dastardly act of terrorism"
thats it? IS THAT FUCKING IT? what big balls my govt. has got to say that! haw! bravo!bravo!
This morning i switched the tv off because i was 'bored' of the news of people dying in Srinagar....and now i realise whats happening. People die like flies there and my bangle and thong wearing brave government "condemns" it.
I wouldnt want to die for no reason. I would like to come back home to my family after a long tiring day. I wouldnt want my family to see my railway pass in a sea of blood.
Not all of us are leader of men. We dont even ask for a 21 gun salute and a state funeral.But we definitely would like to see our entire bodies on the pyre, not just our hands alone. Or our fingers.
thats it? IS THAT FUCKING IT? what big balls my govt. has got to say that! haw! bravo!bravo!
This morning i switched the tv off because i was 'bored' of the news of people dying in Srinagar....and now i realise whats happening. People die like flies there and my bangle and thong wearing brave government "condemns" it.
I wouldnt want to die for no reason. I would like to come back home to my family after a long tiring day. I wouldnt want my family to see my railway pass in a sea of blood.
Not all of us are leader of men. We dont even ask for a 21 gun salute and a state funeral.But we definitely would like to see our entire bodies on the pyre, not just our hands alone. Or our fingers.
Friday, June 30, 2006
| How cool is it to be remembered by a single name only, e.g. Kaka. Makes you feel great. And after 1000 years, people start wondering if it was your first name or your last name. So, what is Moses’ surname? Or was Moses a surname? If I’m not wrong ‘Christ’ was only the title given to him and being content with Jesus Joseph sounds very Tamil. But if you had surnames like Arantes do Nascimento or Luíz Nazário de Lima, it is always advisable to stick to a single name. He too might have had a lengthy surname which the dim wit historians in 1 A.D found it difficult to write and record. I never call anyone ugly; however I take strong exception when it comes to cockroaches. Even worse is the flying variety. I also happen to call people a cockroach/jhingoor/zurral when I am not exactly glad with them. Did you know, they can live for eight days even after being beheaded! They can also survive nuclear attacks! A few weeks ago I saw a cockroach commit suicide. No kidding! It was walking on the wall and it suddenly jumped off it; never to get back up again. Something to be happy about when days are extremely boring. Another thing to do on a boring day is listening to music. Continuously, say for 4 hours straight and then I get fed up of the constant chiew chiew between the ears and I finally stop it. Somehow the silence sounds much better. Things like orkut and cell reminders absolutely take away credit from people who put in efforts to remember your birthday! Tch. Never tease the nerds. There used to be a nerd in my school who was a few years junior to me. Everyone called him big dick since his surname was Mahadik. Juvenile humour. Today, he’s doing something with NASA and he has a planet named after him, (no kidding! Do a google search!) and we are where we were, very down to earth. And after 1000 years people will think Mahadik was his first name. The dilemma of a good guest begins when he starts thinking what does he get along with him for the dinner. An empty handed walk-in might look like me walking into the college canteen which forces us non bovine creatues to ruminate its food . Well, it’s a semi-formal dinner, so I decide a cake for dessert would be a good pick; at least it requires minimum brain racking and is not bound to ‘fail’. “Oh cake! Which one? Looks great, but I can’t really eat it, my trainer has told me to avoid all such on my diet.” Hmm…simply wonderful. A good guest should compliment Mrs. Host about her culinary skills, appreciate the weather, be friendly with master and miss host and most importantly not being sloppy drop his spoon while having dinner .The excusa oblongata of the brain suddenly becomes devoid of thought, think think man! “Told you aunty, no ghee on my rotis, look what it does to my fingers!” “Is my copyrighted lame humour good enough to avoid this situation? Hmm hmm?” “Oh, take a new one.” Thank you master host, you will be a considerate host someday in the future. Dinner is done, the diet is instantaneously forgotten and I get the smallest piece. Hmm…simply wonderful. |
Thursday, June 01, 2006
1.5 hours of excruciation. Dingy corner.No ventilation.Dry throat.Grasping for life and at such an auspicious moment in time, my beloved,trustworthy accomplice , my 100 MS decides to throw its towel in the ring.The old lad has already has been handicapped due to aging and has lost its top row of the display and now the remaining part of the LCD decided in to join its uppermost counterpart. Come on you, target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger,you legend, you martyr AND SHINE, DAMN IT! // DHOOOB DHOOOB DHOOOB // . The best way to get an invigilator off your back is to look at him the same way he looks at you. A few more DHOOBs and i revive it :D ! And then we happily return to the remaining 2.5 hours of misery.
A farewell party of some kind. Usual trends :Exhibit A gets drunk and asks everyone if they are high too, Exhibit B is drunk and gets philosophical about the birds sitting on the electric poles while exhibit C gets drunk and repeatedly keeps telling Exhibit A that he is totally drunk.
I have downed 2 chickens.Beat that! A few days ago, i read some random kid's blog about Pink Floyd songs and how one relates to them while going from school to blah and from another brick in the wall to blah. Well after my sumptuous dinner, the only song that i can best relate to is "get your filthy hands off my dessert. "
My experiments with truth. PLs make you explore and do things that you never would have or wanted to imagine. I discovered a digital multimeter in my house. First, i decided to measure the voltage between the temporal and the finger on touching a hot vessel. 0.07v. Then, i decided to measure the potential difference across my brother's skull when he was sleeping. 0.01v. This scientifically proves that younger siblings do not have any. //Dusts hands against each other//.
Experiment 2: Without switching the compressor on, use the blower of the AC as a substitute for the ceiling fan; provides better results. The cost factor will be analyzed when the bill comes.
I Ching is an uncle now. We were deciding on the baby's name. We agreed upon something Japanese. Thanks to our ignorance, we could only come up with things like sushi, Kaizen,Kanban, but, but...we mutually agreed that PokaYoke kicks arse! The only problem with such an error proof name is that the kid might hate us when she gets older. She might us hate us more when she gets to know that we had a laugh while deciding her name. If you people have better suggestions for a genuinely GOOD name for a girl child, please enlighten us.
(Names like Orion, Ada, Nephertite, Aphrodite, Mia,Dia,etc etc. have already been rejected, stick to something zimble and malyali.)
Noises.I can bear the hammers and the road diggers.Telephones, i cant. Ever petted a cow? Have you seen how it shivers its skin when you touch it? Voluntary muscles. I shiver in the same way most of the time when the phone rings. Involuntary.Sounds like some one is choking James Blunt with his diaphragm vibrating at its amplitude. I dont like James Blunt.He sings like a girl. My speakers. They are screwed up right now. They sound rather bad while on other occasions they blast and sound like the air pocket in your ear has just cleared out.
Swimming is a nice thing to do. You often find blobby men in the pool bitching. Yes, just like women, blobby uncles gossip too. Blobby uncles make me feel good about my shape.Thank you uncles. Relative misery is all good.
Opinion of the day. I think the Enflield Mk1s are better looking and more classy than the AK-47s or for that matter any of the automatic rifles.
Alice.My Dog.Well,she is actually a bitch. But 'my bitch' sounds like a reference in 'like that' movies.Doggy.She will not do the regular dog tricks and cares half a fuck about a ball you would want her to fetch.You might have to run the distance and fetch it yourself while she supervises you. Nor does she care half a fuck about Alsations thrice her size and dares them. She eats mangoes, tomatoes, bananas and jack fruit. Now can your doggy do that?
Me. I always read the newspaper starting from the last page.Every morning i make it a point to curse Bombay Times. I carry a parker as a good luck charm.For some reason, it is never filled with ink. I wrote to the president a year and half back and he had replied with some affirmative action too.However, the way things turned out, it became clear why he is only the titular head.
Sachin Tendulkar apologised to me in 1994! I was a kid then and he was walking backwards when he bumped into me. Had come down for some charity match and wasnt a big name then.He is a lot more fairer than what he looks like on tv, atleast he was then and his hair was definitely more curlier than what it was then. I have size 10 feet, perfectly flat and broad, if you ever find weird foot marks on beaches, ask me if i was there before you think it is an alien invasion or you think have discovered a beach yeti.( After reading this post, I have been reminded of my 'proboscidian' drawings on the beach, so if you ever see them, you havent discovered any long forgotten civilisation either, just me again) The webbing/connection between my right earlobe and the face is different from what it is between the left earlobe and the face.So buhh.
A farewell party of some kind. Usual trends :Exhibit A gets drunk and asks everyone if they are high too, Exhibit B is drunk and gets philosophical about the birds sitting on the electric poles while exhibit C gets drunk and repeatedly keeps telling Exhibit A that he is totally drunk.
I have downed 2 chickens.Beat that! A few days ago, i read some random kid's blog about Pink Floyd songs and how one relates to them while going from school to blah and from another brick in the wall to blah. Well after my sumptuous dinner, the only song that i can best relate to is "get your filthy hands off my dessert. "
My experiments with truth. PLs make you explore and do things that you never would have or wanted to imagine. I discovered a digital multimeter in my house. First, i decided to measure the voltage between the temporal and the finger on touching a hot vessel. 0.07v. Then, i decided to measure the potential difference across my brother's skull when he was sleeping. 0.01v. This scientifically proves that younger siblings do not have any. //Dusts hands against each other//.
Experiment 2: Without switching the compressor on, use the blower of the AC as a substitute for the ceiling fan; provides better results. The cost factor will be analyzed when the bill comes.
I Ching is an uncle now. We were deciding on the baby's name. We agreed upon something Japanese. Thanks to our ignorance, we could only come up with things like sushi, Kaizen,Kanban, but, but...we mutually agreed that PokaYoke kicks arse! The only problem with such an error proof name is that the kid might hate us when she gets older. She might us hate us more when she gets to know that we had a laugh while deciding her name. If you people have better suggestions for a genuinely GOOD name for a girl child, please enlighten us.
(Names like Orion, Ada, Nephertite, Aphrodite, Mia,Dia,etc etc. have already been rejected, stick to something zimble and malyali.)
Noises.I can bear the hammers and the road diggers.Telephones, i cant. Ever petted a cow? Have you seen how it shivers its skin when you touch it? Voluntary muscles. I shiver in the same way most of the time when the phone rings. Involuntary.Sounds like some one is choking James Blunt with his diaphragm vibrating at its amplitude. I dont like James Blunt.He sings like a girl. My speakers. They are screwed up right now. They sound rather bad while on other occasions they blast and sound like the air pocket in your ear has just cleared out.
Swimming is a nice thing to do. You often find blobby men in the pool bitching. Yes, just like women, blobby uncles gossip too. Blobby uncles make me feel good about my shape.Thank you uncles. Relative misery is all good.
Opinion of the day. I think the Enflield Mk1s are better looking and more classy than the AK-47s or for that matter any of the automatic rifles.
Alice.My Dog.Well,she is actually a bitch. But 'my bitch' sounds like a reference in 'like that' movies.Doggy.She will not do the regular dog tricks and cares half a fuck about a ball you would want her to fetch.You might have to run the distance and fetch it yourself while she supervises you. Nor does she care half a fuck about Alsations thrice her size and dares them. She eats mangoes, tomatoes, bananas and jack fruit. Now can your doggy do that?
Me. I always read the newspaper starting from the last page.Every morning i make it a point to curse Bombay Times. I carry a parker as a good luck charm.For some reason, it is never filled with ink. I wrote to the president a year and half back and he had replied with some affirmative action too.However, the way things turned out, it became clear why he is only the titular head.
Sachin Tendulkar apologised to me in 1994! I was a kid then and he was walking backwards when he bumped into me. Had come down for some charity match and wasnt a big name then.He is a lot more fairer than what he looks like on tv, atleast he was then and his hair was definitely more curlier than what it was then. I have size 10 feet, perfectly flat and broad, if you ever find weird foot marks on beaches, ask me if i was there before you think it is an alien invasion or you think have discovered a beach yeti.( After reading this post, I have been reminded of my 'proboscidian' drawings on the beach, so if you ever see them, you havent discovered any long forgotten civilisation either, just me again) The webbing/connection between my right earlobe and the face is different from what it is between the left earlobe and the face.So buhh.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Time did not seem to be a continuum. Different parts could be seen stitched together with a shabby seam.
The discovery of the five new elements.People,places,purpose,sequence and methods.
Twisting of morals according to one's convinience.
Wanting to do wrong because because it wasn't done before.
Double standards. The need to adopt them.
The rise of the simpletons. The fall of the mighty.
Homogenous winners.Variety of losers, the silent one,the confused one, the ignorant one..and the list goes on.
Segregation of expectation and hope.
Being a spectator,
Cruel girls.Their manipulation of naive boys.
Wandering jews.
Mutual understandings.Confusion,dissappointment with happiness.
Near death experiences.On the road,in the water.
Innovative curses.
Clandestine hillocks and their waterfalls being declared as private hang out places.
Weird hair styles.
Ebbs and surges.
To,the end.The end of dimensioning and imperials.The end of false acceptance and submissions.The end of writing spiderman against roll number 70 in attendance sheets.
To,health,wealth,our lives,your hot wives if you find them, to luck and fuck.
To, our begining.Cheers.
The discovery of the five new elements.People,places,purpose,sequence and methods.
Twisting of morals according to one's convinience.
Wanting to do wrong because because it wasn't done before.
Double standards. The need to adopt them.
The rise of the simpletons. The fall of the mighty.
Homogenous winners.Variety of losers, the silent one,the confused one, the ignorant one..and the list goes on.
Segregation of expectation and hope.
Being a spectator,
Cruel girls.Their manipulation of naive boys.
Wandering jews.
Mutual understandings.Confusion,dissappointment with happiness.
Near death experiences.On the road,in the water.
Innovative curses.
Clandestine hillocks and their waterfalls being declared as private hang out places.
Weird hair styles.
Ebbs and surges.
To,the end.The end of dimensioning and imperials.The end of false acceptance and submissions.The end of writing spiderman against roll number 70 in attendance sheets.
To,health,wealth,our lives,your hot wives if you find them, to luck and fuck.
To, our begining.Cheers.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
GT. Glass Tracing. An effective tool for plagiarism. You place a source of light at the bottom , a glass above it, on it is the original sheet,above it goes your sheet, then you trace the drawing.
Advantages : Time Saving.
Disadvantages : Leads to a severe back ache if done for a long duration.
So after 2 hours of doing it, sitting in the odd same position i suddenly realise my leg has lost sensation. I get up and try walking with a back ache and the lower body having cramps . It looks like those deer babies who are just given birth to, which are shown on discovery channel, who struggle to stand on their feet and fall down. Only that when it happens to me , it looks like a gorilla aping a baby deer. This happens a lot.
Which reminds me....Discovery Channel. This is a channel which you switch over to when there is too much of making out on the other channels and when your parents are around and you get a little embarrassed. So you switch over to discovery and what do they have, the mating season of snakes or lions or something similar.This happens a lot.
Parents. They wont speak to you otherwise regarding 'issues' . They find it best to speak when you are listening to something with your earphones. Digging the drawer below the tv while you are watching it hence obstructing the view is another thing that they do. This is universal.This happens a lot again.
16 :
Then there brothers and cousins who are 16/18 with their "oh im gonna enter / i have entered college , i am so cool and my coolness is effervescing out" attitude. Happy days those.16...let them be.
21 :
"what do you want to do when you become big?"
"we are already 'big' "
"Yea..Well, you know those big shots, how they say...i wanted to do this , i knew i would DEFINITELY ( pointing a stiff finger in the air, pointing downwards as if to make a point) do this and i wouldnt do anything if it werent for this...i was born to do it! What do you feel you were born to do? "
"I (Pointing two stiff fingers in the air) DEFINITELY dont know! Do you? "
"Burp. Another glass?"
"Why not,Why not"
And suzanna messages while this is going on. "The clown is going berserk."
Clown = Nerd of the class. They rule . They suck at the core and they know nothing. They build an angelic image of themselves . No matter how bad they are , the image ensures that they still are good. But they rule the world and thats how it is.
Talking about images and these big mobile phone companies, inspite of all the "your service is poor" and " i will drag you to the consumer court" , yea...a very sophisticated threat that i happen to issue sometimes,which results inthe induction of a secret, non visible "wtf!" smile on the complaint counter chick(CCC) and on me too..buhh; those (CCC) remain unfazed and so does the image of the comapny. They are abused,spoken,bitched,written about and against but their annual turnover always grows exponentitally.
Whats up?
Boredom
and...
and even more.
Advantages : Time Saving.
Disadvantages : Leads to a severe back ache if done for a long duration.
So after 2 hours of doing it, sitting in the odd same position i suddenly realise my leg has lost sensation. I get up and try walking with a back ache and the lower body having cramps . It looks like those deer babies who are just given birth to, which are shown on discovery channel, who struggle to stand on their feet and fall down. Only that when it happens to me , it looks like a gorilla aping a baby deer. This happens a lot.
Which reminds me....Discovery Channel. This is a channel which you switch over to when there is too much of making out on the other channels and when your parents are around and you get a little embarrassed. So you switch over to discovery and what do they have, the mating season of snakes or lions or something similar.This happens a lot.
Parents. They wont speak to you otherwise regarding 'issues' . They find it best to speak when you are listening to something with your earphones. Digging the drawer below the tv while you are watching it hence obstructing the view is another thing that they do. This is universal.This happens a lot again.
16 :
Then there brothers and cousins who are 16/18 with their "oh im gonna enter / i have entered college , i am so cool and my coolness is effervescing out" attitude. Happy days those.16...let them be.
21 :
"what do you want to do when you become big?"
"we are already 'big' "
"Yea..Well, you know those big shots, how they say...i wanted to do this , i knew i would DEFINITELY ( pointing a stiff finger in the air, pointing downwards as if to make a point) do this and i wouldnt do anything if it werent for this...i was born to do it! What do you feel you were born to do? "
"I (Pointing two stiff fingers in the air) DEFINITELY dont know! Do you? "
"Burp. Another glass?"
"Why not,Why not"
And suzanna messages while this is going on. "The clown is going berserk."
Clown = Nerd of the class. They rule . They suck at the core and they know nothing. They build an angelic image of themselves . No matter how bad they are , the image ensures that they still are good. But they rule the world and thats how it is.
Talking about images and these big mobile phone companies, inspite of all the "your service is poor" and " i will drag you to the consumer court" , yea...a very sophisticated threat that i happen to issue sometimes,which results inthe induction of a secret, non visible "wtf!" smile on the complaint counter chick(CCC) and on me too..buhh; those (CCC) remain unfazed and so does the image of the comapny. They are abused,spoken,bitched,written about and against but their annual turnover always grows exponentitally.
Whats up?
Boredom
and...
and even more.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
What would be the thing you like the best about your house?
For me, i would say it is the door. You step out of it at 8.30 in the morning and the sun shines right into your face. Makes you squint and smile. A very good way to describe the solstices and the apparent movement of the sun would be to notice when you first step out , it used to shine straight into my right eye,but now it does into my left eye instead!
So thats how a regular day starts.
People who find holi messy are stupid. Freud could use them to examplify his psychosexual anal stage with such specimens.
Inter-terrace wars used to be fun. Aiming at the man who used to cut cricket balls with his knife from four floors up was even more fun. "Dont let it hit his head, might hurt, as close to the feet, make it skip beats" used to be the strategy.
Buses never come when you want them to. And when they come, they are like what Whoopie Goldberg would look like wearing Keira Knightley's corset. Push.Get in. I can see the left thumb,the hand,the head,the neck..and ..........
no..its not a boy!
or a girl!!!
just a man trying to get inside the bus at the next stop.
And in the middle of all this, a tobacco chewing uncle tells you how things are late and go wrong if they are meant to.Says Murphy said so.Thank you uncle.
Not to forget the aunties who are offered seats to. They somehow seem to wear the same perfume in the bus. Like a uniform.
On behalf of all men,
a belated happy women's day.
Without you,
our world would have been gay.
Me tagged me. like that makes sense.
Me = http://www.sillygoof.blogspot.com . I am sorry i cannot do hyperlinks.
Perfect lover, if you fit into these, let me know:
1. Beholder of the most beautiful-est eyes ever.
2. Who could make and encourage having good food for every mood.
3. Resonation without words.
4. Contradictor of likings.
5. Good in bed.
6. Thriving on simplicity and unconventionality.
Thank you.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Scientifically wrong movie.
Two things that get me thinking are :
1. 3 am...the hour of the anti-christ
I did not know spirits and ghosts have a religion too.
2. Judas
I too would have protested ,if anyone's feet were washed with perfume.
For me, i would say it is the door. You step out of it at 8.30 in the morning and the sun shines right into your face. Makes you squint and smile. A very good way to describe the solstices and the apparent movement of the sun would be to notice when you first step out , it used to shine straight into my right eye,but now it does into my left eye instead!
So thats how a regular day starts.
People who find holi messy are stupid. Freud could use them to examplify his psychosexual anal stage with such specimens.
Inter-terrace wars used to be fun. Aiming at the man who used to cut cricket balls with his knife from four floors up was even more fun. "Dont let it hit his head, might hurt, as close to the feet, make it skip beats" used to be the strategy.
Buses never come when you want them to. And when they come, they are like what Whoopie Goldberg would look like wearing Keira Knightley's corset. Push.Get in. I can see the left thumb,the hand,the head,the neck..and ..........
no..its not a boy!
or a girl!!!
just a man trying to get inside the bus at the next stop.
And in the middle of all this, a tobacco chewing uncle tells you how things are late and go wrong if they are meant to.Says Murphy said so.Thank you uncle.
Not to forget the aunties who are offered seats to. They somehow seem to wear the same perfume in the bus. Like a uniform.
On behalf of all men,
a belated happy women's day.
Without you,
our world would have been gay.
Me tagged me. like that makes sense.
Me = http://www.sillygoof.blogspot.com . I am sorry i cannot do hyperlinks.
Perfect lover, if you fit into these, let me know:
1. Beholder of the most beautiful-est eyes ever.
2. Who could make and encourage having good food for every mood.
3. Resonation without words.
4. Contradictor of likings.
5. Good in bed.
6. Thriving on simplicity and unconventionality.
Thank you.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Scientifically wrong movie.
Two things that get me thinking are :
1. 3 am...the hour of the anti-christ
I did not know spirits and ghosts have a religion too.
2. Judas
I too would have protested ,if anyone's feet were washed with perfume.
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